


Wrong Side of Heaven

by SazzyLJ



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Canonical Character Death, Childhood Trauma, Crimes & Criminals, Dubious Consent, Empath, F/M, Forced Prostitution, Ghosts, Human Trafficking, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Sexual Harassment, Implied/Referenced Torture, Kidnapping, Loss of Virginity, Non-Consensual Drug Use, POV Multiple, Power Imbalance, Psychological Trauma, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2019-11-05 20:28:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 36,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17925800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SazzyLJ/pseuds/SazzyLJ
Summary: It had been several years since Rey had needed to use her empathy to ensure her survival.  Thrown into a new environment against her will, she would need to use every skill and talent she had to regain her freedom.Ben Solo hadn't intended to buy a girl from the madame his boss had sent him to intimidate, but he couldn't leave the lovely Rey to be auctioned off and abused.  He knew that he wanted her, but could he live with himself if he took advantage of the power he had over her?**Caution, this story references kidnapping and human trafficking for prostitution.  There are no graphic depictions, but please consider trigger warnings in effect.** This story contains scenes of sexual activity between two people with a significant power imbalance.** Please note that tags have been updated since original post to include references to childhood trauma, torture and the references to canonical character death.





	1. From Bad to Worse

**Author's Note:**

> This story contains some depictions of criminal activity: kidnapping, human trafficking, prostitution and violence. Please proceed with caution if you think you might find this triggering.

_ His desires felt like the lust from earlier but with a sick twist of vengefulness.  Rey couldn’t feel the tears streaming down her face as Bazine, her employer of 3 years, listened intently to her new husband.  It shouldn’t hurt that he would be able to charm her with lies, afterall, it was how he’d convinced her to marry him in the first place. _

_ Nothing came out of her mouth when she tried to draw breath and speak.  Her throat and mouth were too dry to speak. She tried to swallow, hoping to be able to find the words to convince her boss that she was not the seductress in this little drama.   _

_ “Well?  Don’t you have anything to say for yourself?!”  Bazine was suddenly before her, angry and desperate to believe that she hadn’t been fooled into a doomed marriage.  “Rey! Well, Rey!” She grasped her shoulder with one hand and began to shake her. _

 

It was the sense of kind intent in the gentle hand on her shoulder that really woke her.  Afterall, no one in that room yesterday had felt any kindness toward anyone else. Rey blinked at the dim light from the street lamp nearby.  Rose, one of her fellow patrons queued up outside the bus terminal, was smiling earnestly at her and holding out a cup towards her. “There’s a couple people giving away lemonade and sandwiches.  I got you one of each.”

Grateful, Rey reached to take her share of spoils.  With one brush of their fingers, she reaffirmed that Rose wanted, in that moment, only a friend with whom to share her travels.  “Thank you.”

The lemonade was cold and bit too sweet.  It would take longer than 3 weeks to grow accustomed the amount of sugar Americans believed belonged in food and drink.  WIth any luck, she would be back in London well before that happened. 

“I appreciate you waking me up.  I didn’t really mean to doze.” She gave Rose the best smile she could muster.  

Rose smiled brightly back.  “That’s ok. I didn’t mind looking out for us.  My sister Paige and I studied Jiu Jitsu for a few years.  If anyone wants to steal our stuff, I’m ready for them.” Her enthusiasm and confidence were mostly genuine, but Rey knew there was some other worry buried deeper.

“Is Paige who you’re going to Albany to visit?”

Rose nodded.  “She was in an accident.  Got hit by a taxi.” She looked down at her hands for a moment.  “I’m the only family in the country right now. Dad’s in Vietnam with our grandmother. He’s trying to get home and told me to wait, but... I just don’t want her to be in the hospital by herself.”

Rey squeezed her hand in a show of support.  “I’m sure that she’ll be glad to have you there.”  

They sat quietly for a moment, holding hands and reflecting on their own problems as the red-haired volunteer packed his ice chest into his van.  When Rose yawned widely, Rey did too. They both laughed a little.

Patting her hand a final time, Rey leaned back against the brick wall of the bus terminal, seeking a more comfortable position on the backless metal bench.  “Why don’t you get a little rest? We’ve at least two hours before the ticket office opens. I’ll keep an eye on our things.”

Rose started to protest.  “It’s all right. I woke you up.”  She yawned again. “You’re tired and yawning too.”

As though to prove her right, Rey yawned again. “Yawning is contagious.  It’s an empathy response.” Despite her reassurances, the younger woman was right that she was tired.  It had been a long and emotional 24 hours, but her dreams weren’t welcoming so Rey decided that it was better that she stay awake and let Rose rest.  

Patting her shoulder in invitation, she said as energetically as she could, “My nap was good enough.  Rest a little.” 

It must have been convincing because her new friend rested her cheek against her shoulder and was breathing evenly in moments.

The red haired man approached one of the other patrons with a large cup of lemonade.  She heard him say something about the last of the drinks. Rey noted his Irish accent only vaguely.  Perhaps it was the shared warmth and even breathing from her seatmate, but she was feeling even more tired by the moment and her vision was a bit fuzzy.

Staying awake was becoming a struggle despite the vague upset to her stomach.  She used her feet to drag their bags closer in and under the bench, hoping it would be enough to deter any would-be thieves.  Looping her duffel handle around her ankle, Rey let her head drift to rest on the top of Rose’s and the world went black.


	2. Powerless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The only one more surprised than Phasma by Kylo's decision to buy Rey was the man himself.

\---------- 1 week later --------

 

At first glance, the woman that prefered to be called “Madam Phasma” could be considered plain.  Her face was slightly asymmetrical but without the angles needed to be called striking. It was the way her piercing blue eyes were paired with her short blond hair and statuesque figure that made her attractive enough.  Between that and her confidence, one could see why she had once been one of the highest paid escorts in New York City.

At 40, those days were behind her, but the years spent understanding and catering to the desires of wealthy men had served her well in her new role in the illegal service industry.  She liked to think of herself as a sommelier for the flesh.

Her knowledge of the business and focus on discreetly meeting the needs of her customers had been serving her well for several years before a few missteps and a dead girl had found her in need of a powerful partner.  Unfortunately, Anthony Snoke had proven to be significantly louder than his initially promised “silent partnership” implied. His drive for higher profits had led her to a darker form of flesh peddling that she was still adapting to.   _Not adapting fast enough_ was strongly implied by the presence of Kylo Ren in her foyer.

His size didn’t make her nervous, but his reputation for rapidly going from perfect calm to vicious violence was enough to have her feeling the urge to bite her thumb nail.  That old nervous habit was one long broken so she resisted. There was no need to show her worry.

 

Ben didn’t want to be here, but he had little choice.  Phasma was a charming woman with excellent business sense, but his boss didn’t trust her.  His desire for more profits was only part of his press to push her into the human trafficking side of prostitution.  In his mind, the more time she stood to serve for her own crimes, the less likely she was to turn on him or go to one of his competitors.  It put her even more firmly under his thumb, where he prefered all of his associates to be.

Since his only reason for being there was intimidation, he ran out of words quickly.  Falling back on his usual tactic, he fell silent and let her fill the void.

“It would seem a shame for you to come all this way and leave empty handed.”  Her sales woman's smile was a bit brittle but still charming. “I have a few new girls that Hux brought in over the past few days.  Perhaps you’d be interested in viewing, maybe even a sample?”

He wasn’t interested but saying no wouldn’t leave the impression he wanted.  Instead, he tried a different tactic. “Do you have anything with a bit of polish?  I’m not much for the roughened up run-away type.”

 

His dismissive tone rankled a bit and Phasma wanted nothing more than to show him that she wasn’t some low class pimp.  Without thinking for a moment, she called across the space to her security. “Have someone bring English down.”

Using her body language to make it clear that he should follow, she turned toward an arched doorway to the side of her dim entry way.  Making her way to the dry bar on the far wall, she poured a single shot of McAllen into a cut crystal glass and offered it to her guest.

She poured herself the same and sipped just as a lovely young woman entered with her arm in the vice grip of her hulking guard.  One glance at Kylo’s face told her that she had surprised him.

“Say ‘hello’, English.”  She wasn’t completely successful at eliminating the smug tone from her voice.

“Hello English.”

The vaguely sarcastic answer made her frown.  Perhaps they needed to increase the dosage of sedatives they were giving her.

 

Ben smirked a bit at the slight bite to the beautiful girl’s tone.  This one hadn’t been broken. _She must not have been here long._ The voice in his head reminded him of the fate of most of Phasma’s girls: dead eyed and brittle.  A part of him balked at the idea of seeing this girl go the same way.

With a nudge from her handler, “English” stepped further into the room.  He turned toward the madam. “New acquisition? I guess you’re branching out from drugging runaways.”

He knew he had struck a nerve by the way her smile tightened at the corners.  It was almost a grimace.

“We got English about a week ago through the usual channels.  She ought to fetch a premium.” Before she could go on about the girl’s sellable attributes, her cell phone rang.  With a quick glance at the screen, Phasma moved towards the door.

“Why don’t you two get acquainted a moment while I take this?”  Stepping back out the door, she called over her shoulder. “Kylo, she is still a virgin so, when it comes to her hymen, if you break it, you buy it.”

 

Rey was feeling a little fuzzy from the drugs but knew that this new person, _Kylo,_ didn’t like Madam Phasma.  There were undercurrents to him that she couldn’t decipher but that was plain enough. She desperately wished she was alert enough to read him better.

Walking closer, she scanned his face and tried to think of any way to convince him to help her.  His dark hair made his complexion seem even lighter than it likely was. She took the scar bisecting his lower cheek as evidence that he and violence were well acquainted.

“What’s your name?” his deep baritone voice betrayed a bit of curiosity.

“I’m Rey.”

“Where are you from?”

“London, originally.  They found me north of Albany waiting outside of a bus station.”  She knew her tone was threaded through with anxiety, but she continued.  “My passport was stolen, and I was just trying to get to the embassy so that I could get home.”

 

There was a lot that he could infer from what she’d revealed.  No passport, no transportation, no place to stay… It was a vulnerable position for anyone, but especially for a young and attractive woman.  He didn’t want to feel sorry for her. He didn’t want to feel anything at all.

“If I get you out of here, will you behave?”  His own words surprised him but he tried not to let it show.

“Behave?”  She was confused, and he couldn’t blame her.

“Unless someone buys you outright, Phasma is going to sell your virginity for the best price she can get, then rent you out by the hour until you’re used up or dead.”  He knew his tone was harsh, but her reality was worse. He couldn’t be sure how much time he had, but now that he was committed to this course of action, he needed to get it done.

“You want to buy me?”  He was grateful for whatever drugs were slowing her mind, otherwise, she would probably be raging or hysterical.

“I’m willing to buy you… get you out of here… if you’ll do as I say.”  He kept his voice low, hoping to not be overheard. His mind was racing as he decided on the picture he needed to paint for Phasma.  Without it, the negotiating plans he was forming wouldn’t work.

Rey nodded slowly, hesitantly.  “What do you want me to do?”

 

When Phasma walked back into her sitting room, she was stunned to find Kylo Ren passionately kissing English.  She’d realized he was intrigued but this turn of events was far more than she’d ever expected from the taciturn man.

“Well, I see you took my suggestion about getting to know each better to heart.  I hope you know that this association can’t go far for now unless you plan to put in a bid once I arrange the auction.”  Her tone was deliberately casual. If he was interested in English’s services, she might be able to cultivate him as an ally.  In their world, she needed all of those she could get.

He didn’t remove his hands from the girl when he answered.  “I’ll give you $8,000 for a week with her.”

“$8,000?”  Phasma’s tone was shrill with shock and horror.  “She’s not a new car. Once she’s been used once, we’re talking a lot more than 30% depreciation.  I expect to get $15,000 or more just for that first night.”

“$15,000?”  His skepticism was obvious.  “You know you don’t have the resources to pull in that type of audience for this.  Unless you’re planning to change your business model, that’s a lot of work to build a base for one auction.”  Kylo seemed to think it over, both of them ignoring the trembling and tense topic of their conversation.

“How about $15,000 outright?  You get your cash, guaranteed, without any further investment, and I don’t have to worry about returning her in sell-able condition.”

Phasma couldn’t blame the girl for flinching at that comment.  Internally, she flinched away from the implications herself.

Ever the entrepreneur, she countered.  “$20,000. She’s obviously up your alley.  A little polish, a little innocence. You won’t find another like her.”

 

The $18,000 they’d agreed on would impact his cash flow a bit, but, as Ben buckled the girl into his black Land Rover with a stern warning, he was confident that this was the right choice.   _Just get her home where there aren’t prying eyes and ears.  Talk then - it’ll be safer._  Her demeanor as he drove away was uncertain.  She was studying him intently in a way that might have made him uncomfortable in another situation.  The only reason it didn’t was, for all that it made him vaguely sick to realize it, he owned her.

 

Rey was more frightened that she’d ever been.  Even the horrors of her early childhood in the back alleys of London weren’t as scary as realizing that she had been bought by this man with less formality than one might buy a used car.  More than that, she had agreed to whatever his plan was without truly knowing his motivations. He’d seemed sincere when he told her that he wanted to get her out of there, but she’d crossed paths with other sociopaths.

She was careful to study their route and surroundings, committing everything to memory.  Who knew when or why the information would come to help her.

 

Walking in to his living area, he kept a firm hand on her upper arm.  It was unlikely that she would be able to make enough of a scene to be of inconvenience, but he needed to make sure that he could get her inside and lay out their boundaries.  Nudging her further into the room, he turned and secured the door.

When he turned back, she was hovering and telegraphing uncertainty, halfway towards his artistically worn leather couch.  With a sigh, he walked towards then deliberately past her. Sitting in the side chair to be as un-intimidating as possible, he gestured toward the couch.  

He was relieved when she walked over and sat, even though she was perched on the edge of the cushion like she might try to run at any moment.  Ben didn’t want to consider why her comfort meant so much to him, but he considered his next words carefully in an effort to keep her calm.

“You and I need to make sure that we’re on the same page.”  He took a breath. “Within these walls and any time we’re alone, you have the power to dictate what happens to you and between us.  The only times that isn’t true is when it comes to painting the right picture of our relationship for other people.”

She frowned at him suspiciously, “Why not just let me go? If I have the ability to decide?”

He sighed heavily.  “Through no fault of your own, you’ve become part of a world of violent and terrible people, me included.”  He knew his self-loathing was evident in his tone, but he didn’t care. “If some of my associates conclude that you’re a risk to their business ventures or continued freedom, they will kill you.  So long as they think that you’re my…”

He couldn’t bring himself to use any of the words that came to mind and continued.  “Then they aren’t likely to consider you a threat. We’ll need to make an effort to ensure that’s the assumption they make.”

She seemed to get the point.  Staring down at her hands for what felt like hours, she drew and released deep breaths.  “If I have the power to decide, at least within these walls, then that will have to be enough for now.  Could I use the loo?”


	3. Intoxicating Decisions

Rey flinched at the cold water from the faucet but didn’t bother to adjust it.  The cold was helping to clear her head and, between the drugs that Phasma had given her and the bewildering newness of Kylo, she needed all the help she could find.  The past week had felt like an eternity. Had she ever imagined this situation, the fear and adrenaline she would have expected, even anxiety over the fate of her fellow captives, but the numbing boredom had come as a surprise.  The past 3 days had been filled with too much time to think and no control over her situation.

Taking her time drying her hands on the deep gray towel next to the sink, she considered her options.  This man had bought her, a fact that filled her with anger and resentment. As soon as she acknowledged that, she set it aside.  Those emotions would do her little good.

Instead she focused on his declaration that she had the final say on any physical relationship.  _ Beyond what is necessary to convince others of the nature of their relationship - going to need clarity on that one. _

Knowing she was taking too long, Rey hung the towel back and turned toward the door.  She just had to survive this and him until she could get away. Twisting the knob, she walked back into the room.   _ I’ll go along for now.  Nothing lasts forever. _

 

Ben was still in the large leather chair when she returned.  He was relieved to see that she seemed steadier and more alert.  Hopefully that would make the rest of this conversation easier.

“You said that you would need to make it look like I’m your… paramour.”  He felt a nudge of dark humor at the hint of prim distaste in her tone. “What did you have in mind?”

He couldn’t blame her for her suspicion.  His promise of limited self-determination had come with some caveats that he would have to be careful not to use to for his own satisfaction.  He wouldn’t be able to live with that sort of breach of his personal ethics, such as they were. “A few visual cues ought to be enough. If you’re seen with whisker burn and a few hickey’s, people will make the assumptions we want.”

“So you’re proposing that we, what? Snog?”  She still sounded sceptical. 

_ Snog? I guess I’ll have to use my context clues and hope I’m right on this one. _

“For right now, I’m proposing what you’re comfortable with.  I hardly expect my colleagues to drop in tonight.”  _ Or tomorrow for that matter.  Word of this has likely already gotten to Knight and the rest of the brutes, but curiosity should take at least a little while to build enough for them to disrupt our privacy. _

She was still tense, but seemed to settle a bit at the offer of a measure of control.  After a moment of silence, she got up and moved to settle on the arm of the couch near him.  

 

She took a moment to study him.  His face was only part of her interest.  She was still fuzzy, so it was with a little more focus than it usually required that she was able to feel the roiling emotions beneath his controlled facade.  Unfortunately, there was so much turmoil in him that it was of little use to her. She found it frustrating. It had been a long time since her abilities had been so critical to her life and safety.

Impulsively, she decided to take what control she could and moved to settled lightly on the arm of his chair.  His surprise gave her some mild satisfaction. After gazing at his face for a moment, she leaned forward and brushed her lips lightly against his once, then twice.  Forcing her mind into the moment, she focused on the softness of him lips and the warmth of his breath. When he didn’t move, she decided to trust just a little more.  

She pressed her lips more firmly to his, twisting just a bit to seek a better angle.  He hummed a little under her and responded gently to her exploratory kiss. Rey braced one hand on the chair back behind his head and let the tip of her tongue lick gently at his bottom lip.  As she ran one hand along his jaw, she could feel the rasp of his stubble tickling her palm.

Somehow the kiss was both erotic and tender.  He was very willing to let her take the lead, curiosity, pleasure and arousal were taking over the chaotic swirl of feelings she had gotten from him before. 

She shifted again to tangle her tongue with his, running her hand back from his face into his hair.  Settling her knees on the chair cushion, straddling both his thighs, she moaned quietly as he broke from her lips to trail kisses down her jaw and up to her ear.  Shivers traveled down that side of her, impossibly pleasant, as he gently nibbled on her ear lobe. His breath was warm and humid in the shell of her ear, adding to the layers of sensation she experiencing.  Rey instinctively angled her head to get more of the heady feelings. Taking the hint she hadn't consciously given, he began to kiss and nip along the column of her throat. 

It was almost sensory overload as she felt the roughness from his burgeoning beard, the softness of his lips and the warm wetness from his tongue all against a spot on her neck that she’d never known was that sensitive.  When she moaned again, a little louder, he hummed in response. Then he began to suck on that seemingly magic spot just above her collar bone, and Rey forgot all about questions of power and control. Instead, she began chasing the tingling feelings that raced along her arms and down legs.  Rocking against him, she felt him lift one thigh and rub it gently against the inside of hers. With a needy moan she tilted her hips to press him firmly against the delightful tension in her core.

She ground down on his warm thigh in an instinctive motion.  When she arched her spine and neck to get more attention on the tender skin of neck and collar bone, he groaned and pulled her even closer.

Her breathing sped up and her heart slammed in her chest while the sensations built within.  Before long, she forgot about breathing in her desperation for the climax that began washing over her.  When the tension within her broke, she lost every concern in the delight of that moment.

It couldn’t have been long before she cued back in to the world around her, pleasure fading slowly.  It was almost surreal to realize that she was still fully clothed. Her face was buried in the crook of Kylo’s neck.  As she tried to catch her breath, she felt a twinge of anxiety at what he might expect from her after that.

To her surprise, he was practically humming he was so pleased with himself.  His warm hand stroked up and down her spine in a steady motion that was obviously meant to be soothing.  Reassured that she didn’t need to defend herself after that vulnerability, Rey chose to enjoy the moment of closeness and the facilimile of safety and intimacy.  The rest could wait a little longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't expect the anxiety that came with sharing my writing for the first time in over a decade. I'm grateful to the people that have given kudos and comments.


	4. Nightmares & Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose revisits her nightmarish experience in the hopes of saving her friend; while Ben talks with the ghosts in his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've rewritten this chapter several times since Monday. I think I could rewrite it a million times more and still not be happy with it, but I'm willing to put it out there so that the overall story can continue.

Rose was numb after having told her story so many times.  The scrapes on her shoulders were barely sore anymore. The scabs on her legs and back still looked angry with greenish yellow bruises showing beneath and around them.  From the other room, she heard her father arguing about disturbing her.

“Please, she needs to rest. She's told the whole story to the state police. Can't they give you what they have so my daughter can have a little peace?”  

“Mr. Tico, I know your daughter's been through a lot, and I'll try not to take much of her time, but I have a few follow up questions.  The FBI believes that her case may be connected to a string of kidnappings and disappearances that we’ve been investigating.” Rose winced to hear that.  Her father had been protective before this string of family tragedies. Any hint that she might be in danger could put him over the edge into paranoia.

“Agent Holdo, surely anything you need to know could wait until this afternoon.  We got back rather late from getting her sister settled into rehab. The doctors think that sleep deprivation could slow Rose’s recovery.  If she can get a few hours more sleep…”

“My understanding was that her injuries were minor?”  She managed to sound concerned.

“The impact caused a concussion, and she reacted to whatever those monsters drugged her with.”  He was getting on a roll with the opening to talk about her recovery. _Lord knows he quotes the doctors every time I try to do anything - even take the stairs at the medical center._

The agent broke in and didn’t bother to be subtle about turning the conversation back to her request.  “It’s a terrible thing, what they did to your daughter. However, based on her own statement, she wasn’t the only one taken.  If our information is correct, the rest of the victims were taken by human traffickers. The longer we delay, the greater the risk that we’ll never find them.  That includes the woman that helped your daughter escape.”

Rose chose that moment to step through the doorway and make her presence known.  “It's alright Dad. I'm awake.”. Despite his insistence, she'd hardly slept since Paige's accident.  

The FBI agent introduced herself as Amylin Holdo.   As they sat on the couch to talk, her father hovered nervously as though afraid she would break at having to go over everything again.

“Can you describe the man that was giving away the food and drink?”

“He was tall and pale.  Red hair… an accent…” She trailed off, trying to remember details.

Agent Holdo nodded.  “Did you recognize the accent?”

“European?  British-y but not like Rey’s.”

“If I can get a few samples, do you think you could recognize it?”

“I’ll try.”

“Thank you.  I just have a few more questions for you.”  The agent had a steady and kind gaze that made Rose feel a little reassured despite having to relive her nightmare all over again.  The horror of waking up in the back of that dark van, stinking carpet pressing into her nose, was still with her every time she laid down.  That and the sick twist of guilt was what kept her awake. A nasty voice always whispered, _If it weren’t for helping you, Rey could have gotten away._

A part of her wanted to pretend that none of it had ever happened.  She wished she could delude herself into believing that she didn’t know what it felt like to wake up with her hands and feet bound, to hit concrete at a low speed and pray that no one noticed her laying stunned along the road.  But she knew the truth; her friend was still in danger. Without Rey’s help, she’d have never have freed her bound hands or gotten that back door open.   For Rey, she would tell her story again and again. Maybe this woman would find a way to help her.

 

\----

 

Ben stood at the counter unwrapping a stick of butter so that it would soften. The morning sun streaming in through his kitchen window made the overhead light unnecessary. It was his favorite feature of this apartment.  He enjoyed the sense of openness even though the view wasn't particularly scenic.

It was as he was transferring the flour from the bowl on his digital scale to the large sifter that he felt static electricity build behind him.  He frowned at the light scatter of flour that dusted the counter before turning around to acknowledge his father's presence behind him.

“Why do you do it that way?”. Han's frown creased his sun worn brow.  “Why not just scoop the flour like I taught you?”

“Weight is more precise than measurements by volume.” Ben was careful to set the sifter into the mixing bowl to prevent any more mess before he moved around his father's form at the counter.  “And sifting the flour makes for a lighter batter.”

“Surely that can’t make enough difference to notice.”  His skepticism didn’t bother Ben. He knew that it was worth it, and he wasn’t willing to bite and start a worthless argument.  He waited.

“Sorry about popping in on you yesterday morning.” Han continued, realizing that that line of conversation was dead.  “I’m used to you being on the treadmill that early.” He laughed a little. “Sure was funny the way you swerved though.  I think that cyclist nearly pissed himself.”

“Dad, the poor man nearly rode into the ditch.”  The memory sent a spike of irritation through him.  “I know you can check the situation before just showing up.  You could be a little more considerate about this.”

Han was still laughing to himself so his “Sorry.” didn’t seem very sincere.

Ben heard the sound of water just starting to boil.  He quickly moved the kettle off the stove burner before enough steam could build to whistle.   He popped the lid off so that the water would cool slightly, then turned back to his father in time to see him making a show of peering into his french press.  

“Fancy coffee? Pancakes?  I guess you're figuring to impress the girl in your bed.  How’s this for proof that I can be considerate, I popped in last night and caught you two making out.  I popped right back out again.” He laughed, probably at the blush Ben could feel warming his cheeks. “You didn’t even notice. Maybe there's hope for the Solo line after all.” He sounded amused and a little smug.  “She must be something. You've never brought anyone back here before.”

At that, Ben couldn’t meet his eyes.  He sighed quietly. “It's not like that Dad.  She doesn't have anywhere else to go.”

Something in his voice must have indicated more than he'd intended.  Han’s hand flashed forward to reach for his arm. The static shock that sparked once he got too close was unpleasant but no more that the displeased and worried look on his father's face.  “Ben, what did you do? Benjamin Organa Solo! You can't mean to tell me that that sweet girl is part of the bastard Snoke’s business?” Han's voice was urgent, all humor gone. “I know that you've made your mistakes, but I can't believe-”  A door opened and he cut himself off. They both turned toward the hall.

Turning back to him, his father shook his finger in Ben's face, thankfully not close enough to zap him.  “We'll discuss this later.”

Just as Rey's bare feet sounded on the wood floors, he disappeared.  


	5. Pancakes & Awkwardness

Rey was warm and comfortable, nestled in the blankets of the big bed.  Sleeping next to someone had been a new experience for her. She was grateful that Kylo had gotten up before she woke.  

She could hear murmurs and sounds of movement from down the short hall.  Whatever he was doing, it gave her some much needed privacy. Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, she saw that the drawstring pants he’d given her to wear last night had come uncuffed and the hem risked dragging the ground.  She fixed that and retyed them to keep them up.

She was surprised and grateful to find a new toothbrush and small travel hair brush sitting out on the edge of the ensuite bathroom sink.  It was a kindness unlike the treatment that she’d received in the past two weeks, even before her kidnapping. This man confused her. 

On one hand, he was someone that regularly associated with human traffickers.  On the other, he had been careful of her privacy last night as she’d showered and readied for sleep. 

He had negotiated for and purchased her like someone might buy an auto, but he hadn’t taken advantage of her once he got her home.  Trailing a finger down the marks on her neck, she acknowledged that even without her captivity some men might have pressed for more after what had happened in that chair. 

She shook her head, as though shaking free of her swirling thoughts.   _ Just take it slow and careful, Rey.  For now, you just have to keep things calm while you figure out your next move. _

With that short pep talk, she stepped out of the bedroom and walked toward the light at the end of the hall.  

She emerged to find him in the kitchen, mixing up a batter near a heavy black skillet that was the lone occupant of the stove top.  He smiled at her, and she didn’t even need her abilities to know that he wanted his offerings to make her happy.

“I’m making pancakes and coffee.” He said in his low voice.  “If you want, I can make eggs as well.”

She smiled at him gently, content to play houseguest in order to please him.  “Pancakes sound lovely. I’m famished.” She could tell she’d given the right answer by the way his expression brightened.

She pulled out a bar stool and sat down, near enough to where he was cooking to be a part of his scene but not so close she had to worry about getting burned.  He seemed content as he poured a ladle full of batter in the hot skillet and then reached into the cabinet along the wall for a coffee cup. Pouring her a mug and then one for himself, he took a large sip of the strong beverage while passing her the matching cup.

She took her own sip of the strong and slightly bitter black brew.  She supposed that some people would find it bracing, but it was very different from her favorite cup of English Breakfast.  She hoped he might think to offer her milk or sugar, but, when he did neither, she didn’t dare ask.

“Mind buttering the pancakes?” he asked, sliding a partial stick of softened butter toward her along with a spoon.  Tilting her head in ascent, Rey decided to use this opportunity to get the lay of the land.

“Do you make a big breakfast every morning?”  She asked, careful to keep her tone bland.

Kylo looking up at her, “Most mornings, I’ll make a banana smoothie before working out.  That’s the other room down the hall - my home gym. I usually have groceries delivered to keep in stock but I haven’t placed my order this week.”  He looked up at her earnestly. “Lucky us, I suppose. I’ll be able to order enough for two.”

Even as her stomach clenched anxiously, Rey made sure to seem non-committal at the implications of his statement.  “Do you think I could use the home gym as well? I like to keep active when I have the option.”

He slid two pancakes onto a heavy ceramic plate and passed it to her.  “I would love it if you used the gym. It’s small but I selected the equipment carefully.”  Ladling more batter into the skillet, he continued. “Do you have anything that you would like from the store?”

She froze for a moment and reached out to make sure that there wasn’t a trap somewhere in the question.  To her surprise, he genuinely seemed to want to make her feel welcome. Forcing a laugh, she commented as honestly as she dared, “There are quite a few things that I need, but I’m not sure that the grocer will be able to supply them.”

He seemed to pause for a moment, perhaps realizing that she had only the clothes that Phasma had put her in.  His general contentment evaporated, and Rey cursed herself for reminding him of her situation. She held her breath for a moment because she knew that some people would lash out when feeling guilty.  

She slowly calmed when, to her relief, she felt no anger coming from him.  His movements were slower and less enthusiastic as he flipped the next batch of griddle cakes.  His gaze was serious and steady on her face. 

“I’ll get you a piece of paper after breakfast so that you can jot down what you need.  You might be surprised at what I can have delivered locally. Otherwise, Amazon is always an option.”  He fell silent for a moment more. “You'll need some clothes that fit you and a decent pair of shoes at least.  I'm sure that there's more that I'm not thinking of. I've never had to shop for a woman.”

The topic still made her nervous, but she was not going to turn down clothes.  She'd not seen her duffel in a week and even the clothes that she had been wearing the day she was taken had disappeared from where she'd hung them to dry while she'd showered in the bathroom they'd locked her in.  “It's kind of you to offer. I'll try not break the bank with my requests.”

He smiled at her bland attempt at humor. “Thinking of money, I’ll be able to work remotely for a few days, but once I have to go in, you’ll be here by yourself.  There shouldn't be any risk of people coming around, but I'll deadbolt the door for you and set the ringer downstairs to forward to my cell. Most of my colleagues will have more important things to do than try to bother you, but that should keep you from getting disturbed.”  

Her heart slammed in her chest at the mention of a chance to escape.   _Stay_ _calm_.   _This option is days away.  Focus on the moment and gain his trust.  Don't give him a reason to rethink leaving you by yourself._ “If you'll tell me when to expect you, I could make dinner?  My repertoire is a little limited since I've only learned to cook in the past year or so, but I can certainly make us a wholesome meal.”

“Thank you.  We can work on a little menu when I log in to order groceries.” He was pleased by her offer, but it was the implication of computer access that excited her.

“Do you think I could search for a few recipes?  I was using some cookbooks that I got for Christmas to try and branch out a bit.” Rey tried not sound too hopeful.

“I don't have a printer here, but if you tell me what cookbook you want, I'll order it for you.  Don't feel like you have to make any elaborate meals. I'll just be grateful to have something that isn't take out.” He looked up from the skillet and smiled at her.

“I'm usually rather tired and hungry when I get home, so cooking isn't top of my priority list.  Next week will require some long days, I may not be home until 7 or so.” He paused to sip his coffee.  “I have Netflix logged in on the TV and a Pandora account for music, but I know this situation isn’t going to be the very interesting for you.  I can order pretty well anything you might want and get here in a few days. Aside from learning to cook, what do you typically do to stay busy?”

The question was unexpected enough to make her panic for just a moment.   _ Should I assure him that I won't be a burden?  If I refuse his generosity, would he take it the wrong way?  Don’t make him angry, Rey.  _

She quickly determined that honesty was her best option.  Anything else might send their situation in the wrong direction.  “For the past few years, I’ve been a nanny for a woman with two children.  Her job required a lot of travel, and she preferred to keep us all with her.  I’ve spent my time keeping the children up with their studies and making sure that whatever house we lived in was maintained.”

“How in the devil did you end up a target for Phasma?” His tone was incredulous and made her flinch.  She almost lashed out at the hint that she might be to blame for her own capture.

With a steadying breath, she decided to continue her honest path.  “Baz, my boss, got married to a man that seemed to think sex with me was part of my employment contract.  I tried to stay away from him, but when the situation came to a head, he convinced her that I was the vile seductress in our tawdry tale.”  The memory was enough to make her sigh heavily with frustration and betrayal. “Since she was ending my contract early, I was getting prepared to fly back to London.  Something seemed off with her husband, even more so than before, and, when I went to pack, my passport and some cash I had set aside were missing. I decided to head for the British Embassy rather than wait to see what he had planned for me; but, as you know, I didn’t make it.”  

He frowned just a little.  “I’m relieved that you got through all of that.”  The ridiculousness of his comment must have occurred to him as soon as he made it.  “Er, I mean, I’m glad you’re ok.”

She could feel that he was sincere, but he seemed to mentally berate himself for his remarks.  Rey looked down at the stack of pancakes and added more butter to the top two.

“I’d never given my lack of romantic or sexual experience much thought before all this.  With Bazine’s job, we moved too often for me to make friends, and I wouldn’t have risked bringing someone around the children that I didn’t know well.  It certainly wouldn’t have occured to me that my virginity would protect me from some of the things that I witnessed at that place.” She fell silent, shuddering with the unpleasant memories.  She couldn’t help but turn her focus inward as she thought of the crying that had awoken her the first night after her kidnapping. 

The silence held for long minutes as he continued making pancakes.  Rey tried not to wallow in the painful memories, but she was unable to forget the pain of the other girls.  One of them, so very scared, could only have been 16. She was grateful that she'd managed to help Rose escape.  She couldn't have imagined leaving the earnest young woman in that awful place.

From the outside, their scene must have seemed quite domestic perhaps even sweet.  Inside her mind though, she was lost in painful memories.

“So, a nanny?  Did you always want to work with children?”  His question startled her, the silence and her thoughts broken.  The change of subject was probably just as well. Rey steadied herself back in the present before answering.  “Actually, I’ve been saving for several years to study mechanical engineering. I already had some post secondary education, and I’ve taken some online courses. It was living expenses that made going to school full time almost impossible for the past two years.”  

“Mechanical Engineering?”  To her surprise, this tidbit seemed to please him.  “You must enjoy fixing things to go for that field?”

Finally, Rey relaxed a little bit.  She settled into her role of buttering pancakes and talking about mechanical problems.  WIth a sip of her bitter black coffee, she reaffirmed that the best she could do was take things moment by moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've edited this a few times so I hope it's ok. I wanted to get it posted yesterday, but I had to adult instead.


	6. Wash It All Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note the updated tags. The chapter after this one will include references to domestic violence and flashbacks to childhood trauma.

Ben settled into the couch with his laptop. . He was pleased to be able to provide for his new companion.  She would obviously need new clothes and toiletries. Anything that she would be willing to put on his list, he would find a way to get her.

His cotton sleep shirt swam on her. It should have been like putting her in garbage sack, but the large size and overly large collar showed off her graceful neck with the marks that had come from his kisses last night.  

He wanted to press his lips to hers and hear her moans again.  However, he worried that a violation of the boundaries he’d put in place last night might cause her to avoid him.  In less than a day, her company had come to alleviate his loneliness in a way that the voices of the dead had never managed to do.

She was still writing so he logged in to his grocery store app and entered the little items that he knew they would need.

  * Crest toothpaste
  * Lysol
  * Pledge
  * Paper Towels



Ben was about to get up and check the pantry to see how much basmati rice he had when she tentatively offered her list of needed items.

Scanning it quickly, he realized that most of the things she needed would have to come from Amazon.  A part of his was pleased that she would be spending another day in his clothes. He enjoyed the intimacy it implied.

  
  


A few hours later, Modern Marvels was on the TV, and Ben was catching up on the news on his laptop.  Though they’d hardly spoken since he’d turned on the show for her, he was very aware of her presence on the opposite side of his couch.

 

“May I ask you something?” He perked up at the sound of her voice.

“Sure” 

“I honestly find it odd that it matters to me, but, is Kylo your surname?”  It struck him anew how strange their situation was. They’d slept in the same bed but didn’t know each others names.  

“Kylo Ren, at your service.”  He stuck out his hand for her to shake and was pleased when she smirked a little as she took it.

“Rey Johnson.”  She took a breathe as though to say something else but stopped herself.

“What?” He was intrigued by the expression on her face.  

“Is that an alias?  Because Kylo Ren doesn’t sound like anyone’s real name.”  Her smile let him know that she meant no harm by the question, but it made him uncomfortable anyway.  This line of conversation was risky.

“It's not the name I was born with, but it's one I've used for over 5 years.  My employer is rather paranoid. He was the one that suggested that anonymity would be useful to me.”. He held his breath for a moment, hoping she would accept that answer.

“Your employer is the guy that sent you to Phasma’s yesterday?”  She seemed to hesitate as though she was choosing her words carefully.  There seemed no harm in confirming the obvious, but the whole discussion was making him nervous.

“Yes, he has a financial interest in her operations.”  He kicked himself over the bland word that he’d chosen but didn’t try and take it back.

“Everyone there was scared of you.”  

He shrugged a little.  “That was the point. I was there because my boss wanted to remind Phasma and her associates who they really answer to.  He’s a vile man, willing to use violence, threats, blackmail and any other means to keep people in line.”

He leaned toward her, desperate to convince her of his truth.  “That’s why we have to be careful. He can’t see you as a threat, or he will kill you.  I’ll do everything I can to shield you from him. You do believe me?” He was almost begging, but he didn’t care.

Rey rocked forward on her knees and stared, searchingly, at his face.  She seemed to find what she was looking for because she cupped one hand around his cheek tenderly.  “I believe you.”

Later he would blame the relief that flooded through him for his next move.  He leaned into her touch and covered her hand with his own. When she didn’t pull back, he turned his head and brushed his lips across her palm.  

The simple gesture shouldn’t have escalated, but, when she sighed a little, he felt a longing to hear it again.  Tenderly, he kissed her palm again before drawing her hand back towards his hair. She tentatively threaded her fingers through and brushed her fingertips against his scalp.

With a sigh of his own, he traced gentle, open mouthed kisses down the smooth hairless skin of her wrist and forearm.

He heard her breath hitch a little.  He remembered that sound from last night and pressed his mouth more firmly to give a bit of suction, hoping for one of those erotic moans she’d gifted him with before.  She shifted a bit, almost overbalancing against him. When he looked up at, she was flushed and breathing just a little too fast. Her lips were parted as she stared at him.

With his free hand, he pulled her closer for a kiss.  He tangled his tongue with hers while settling his hands on her hips.  When she fell against him, he took it as an invitation to suck more hickeys along her throat.  The memory of how she’d reacted before was arousing him fast.

He could feel her warm moist breath against his ear, rapid and shallow.  With a low groan, he nosed aside the cotton collar of his shirt. She whimpered a little as he enthusiastically licked and sucked at her collar bone.  He trailed his hand behind her back and found the hem of his shirt. Gently, he began to slide his hand underneath it.

It was then that he felt the muscles in her back tense.  He broke the kiss and pulled her back a little. She was breathing rapidly but her expression indicated more than just arousal.  Anxiety was the last thing he’d wanted to see in her eyes. 

The lustful part of him whispered,  _ It’s ok, she’s just a little nervous.  A few more kisses won’t hurt - she didn’t actually say no. _  It was that thought that made his decision.  She may not have verbally said no, but she hadn’t said yes either.  

He twisted out from under her and stood.  Not trusting himself to speak right then, he kissed her forehead and walked down the hall to the bedroom.  

He clicked the privacy lock and leaned back against the door.  Surveying the space and his options, he considered the full bath and a cold shower.  While regaining control over his libido would feel satisfying in the short term, he knew that he was fucking horny.  The control he gained would only last as long as the cold itself. 

He walked into his master bath and pulled the unscented lotion from under the sink and the hand towel from the bar.  He gave a guilty glance toward the locked door. She could use the half bath if she needed, but he hated locking her out of what he had already come to think of as their room.

There wasn’t a good way to know how long this would take given his guilty conscious. He set the pillows up against his headboard and settled back against them with the lotion and towel.  He took a few deep breaths and allowed his mind to drift back to yesterday. His mind was focused on the memories of whimpers and moans from the beautiful woman in his living room. He pumped a generous dollop of lotion into his palm and grasped his hard on.  

Leaning his head back against his pillows, he stroked up and down, trying to imagine as he did the sweet sounds of the woman with his lips upon her.  Only a few moments later he stopped. Despite his arousal and the attraction he felt for Rey, the negative parts of his memories of their two make out sessions were too fresh.  He couldn’t focus on how good she felt in his arms without also thinking of how she hadn’t really wanted to be there.

With another glance at the door and then down at his aching erection, he closed his eyes.  In his mind, he queued up an old fantasy. The mental image of the library was blurry but recognizable to any Boston College Alumn.  Since he was too keyed up to need the teasing and flirting part of the scene, he skipped ahead to walking into the study room. As the librarian turned back to him after turning on the light, he wasn’t surprised to see her look like Rey.  Happily, fantasizing about her this way didn’t eat at his conscious.

“I really appreciate you opening up this room for me.  I was just having so much trouble focusing downstairs.”  College Ben set his book-bag down while the pretty librarian looked him over with a wicked smile.

“I think I know why it might be hard.”  She pulled the door closed behind her and stepped toward him.

Ben leaned back a little more comfortably against his pillows and sighed.   _ This is much better. _ He moaned a little as he stroked himself up and down.  

College Ben leaned back in his chair running his hands up silky nylon clad thighs.  She was perched on the study table with her legs spread to either side of him. Her pencil skirt had ridden up to almost show her garters as she leaned in to kiss him deeply.

One of her hands was splayed across the back of his neck as the other one insistently tugged on his shirt.  He tried to take his hands from her so that he could help but she groaned in protest and put them both back on her, sliding his hands even higher up her thighs than before.

Once she had his hands where she wanted them, she took both of hers and unbuttoned his jeans.  

Stroking up along his hot hard cock with both hands, she broke the kiss, breathing heavily.  

“I want you.”  She pressed a kiss to his jaw.  “I just can’t decide if I want you in my mouth or my cunt.”  Even as she said it, she slid down into his lap and then he was inside her.

Moving in time to his fantasy, Ben groaned out loud.  In his mind, the warm, lotioned hand was the tight clenching of woman.  

She ground down on his lap, moaning and panting.  Her unbuttoned blouse revealed how her black lace clad breasts bounced as she fucked him.

“Oh yes!  Oh Ben, yes!” She threw her head back and cried his name in ecstasy.

Arching his back up off the pillows, Ben felt the flood of pleasure flow through him.  As the wave ebbed, he lay there for another moment, relaxed and sated. For once, he let his mind empty.

  
  


30 minutes later, Ben emerged from bedroom feeling much clearer.  His hair was still wet from his shower, but it would likely be dry by the time he and Rey had a chance to talk.  It didn’t really matter how late it was. They could sleep in if they needed to.

She was settled on a bar stool sipping a glass of water when she saw him.  Her smile was tentative, but he was at least grateful that she gave him one.  

He walked around to the refrigerator and pulled a bottle of San Pellegrino from the door.  Deliberately, he positioned himself to put the island between them. He hoped that the distance would make her feel a little safer.

“I owe you an apology.”  He had never been one to take his time once he decided to do something.

She met his eyes and waited but said nothing.

“I broke the boundaries I had tried so set for us.  You’re a beautiful woman, and I let myself forget that you may not feel comfortable yet in telling me “No.’”  She frowned slightly, but he went on. “I have to remember that, despite our natural chemistry, you don’t know me well yet.  And I haven’t earned your trust. So I promise that, from now on, I’ll wait for “yes” from you.” 

Whatever she’d been expecting him to say, he doubted this was it.  He watched her mouth open and close a few times before she really tried to respond.  

“You’re right, that “No” can be difficult.  Growing up, I was dependent on people that didn’t take it well.”

Later, he would ask her about that.  For now, he gratefully took her words as a peace offering.  “I was reading an article the other day about saying “no” that suggested practice can help.  Think we could try?” He gave his most winning smile.

“This sounds like a trick.  Am I supposed to say “no” to that one?” He laughed, relieved that they were ok enough for her to joke.

“Umm” He made a show of thinking.  “Would you want to share a pot of extra strong coffee with me?”

She reflexively wrinkled her nose.  “No, thank you, it’s rather late.”

He chuckled a bit, grateful that she’d explained her preference when he was making their grocery order earlier. He scrounged his thoughts for something truly revolting.  “Would you like me to fix us rat burgers for lunch tomorrow?” 

“No.  I already set some fish to thaw. Also, if you wanted to watch Stallone movies, I prefer The Expendables over Demolition Man.”  When he grinned at her, she smiled back. 

“How would you like to soak your feet in a vat of salted ice?”  _ Thanks YouTube for that idea. _

She shuddered. “I’m not one for extreme spa treatments, but you go ahead.”

“Were you planning to shower tonight?” He was running out of ideas for their game.

“No, actually, now that you’re finished, I intended to run the dishwasher.”  She took a last sip of her water. 

“Kylo?”  He looked up at her. “Thank you for stopping… earlier.”

“You shouldn’t thank me for that.” He sighed.  “I promised you and myself that I would respect your boundaries, but I almost didn’t even recognize them.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in updating. This week has been pretty crazy. I have the next two chapters mostly written so hopefully I'll be able to get them posted this weekend.


	7. Welcome to my Nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains references to domestic violence and childhood trauma.

Rey woke early the next morning.  As she listened to the deep breathing from the other side of the large bed, she thought about trying to go back to sleep.  With a sigh, she decided not to bother.  _ Idleness has never suited me. _

She got up carefully, hoping not to disturb her pillow neighbor.  Turning back to ensure that he was still asleep, she couldn’t help but smile a little at the sight of that big man hugging a large pillow to his chest.  Reaching out, she realized that he was in deep sleep.

Shuffling as quietly as possible, she walked into the home gym.  She eyeballed the fancy looking treadmill but knew that the extra long pants she wore made that risky.  

After only a few days with Kylo, she was not surprised by the meticulous organization of the closet next to his weight machine.  Bypassing the smaller items, she was able to quickly find the yoga mat that he’d told her was in there. She rolled it out in front of the full length mirror so that she could monitor her form.

 

_ Ben heard his parents battling in the echo of their house as he stood next to his bedroom door.  He was reaching up for the knob when he felt the presence behind him. Knowing that his friend was here, Ben wiped the tears from his chubby cheeks and put on his bravest face before he turned. _

_ “Hi there, Benny boy.”  Brendol crouched to his level but kept a little distance.   _

_ “Hi.” He tried to smile at his friend, but the sounds of fighting still upset him. _

_ “Mom and Dad are at it again, I hear.”  His round face was somber as Ben held his gaze and nodded. _

_ “Think they’ll be up to put you to bed soon?” _

_ Ben shrugged.   _

_ “Well, I’ll tell you what.”  His smile seemed kindly. “Why don’t you be a big boy and get yourself ready for bed?  While you’re putting on your jammies, I’ll go down and check on your folks.” _

_ “Will they see you?”   _

_ Brendol’s expression turned a little sly and he seemed to laugh a little at a private joke.  “Not if I don’t want them too.” _

  
  


Rey tried to keep her mind empty and quiet as she stretched herself into a Camel Pose.  It was odd for her to find herself in such a small world, after years of travel and caring for two very active children.  The flat was nice and probably quite expensive, but 90 sq m. was already beginning to feel suffocating.

She rocked back on her heels and rose into an Eagle Pose.  This was one she’d only recently incorporated into her routine so she critically eyed her position.  Deeply breathing in and out, she held it hoping the physical challenge would keep her focused.

 

_ Ben bounced a little as he sat on his bed waiting for Brendol.  His favorite fire engine jammies inspired him and he was rising to get his fire truck from his toy chest when his friend returned. _

_ “Well Benny boy, I think they’re going to be a little while.  Did you brush your teeth?”  _

_ Nodding, Ben continued over to get his toy.  “Could we play fire men?” _

_ “Ah now, it’s already past your bedtime.”  Ben looked to him and started to pout. “What kind of friend helps you get in trouble?” _

_ “I guess.” _

_ “Come on.  Click your light and climb in bed, I’ll tell you a story.”  That was a enough incentive for him. _

_ “Really?  You’ve never told me stories before!" _

_ “Well, we’ve just been getting to know each other for a few days.”  Horizontal but hovering above the covers slightly, Brendol turned to him.  Ben could see his graying red hair in the light of his bedside lamp. _

_ “Now Benny boy, this is a true story that I’ll tell you.  It’s one I’ve been wanting to tell you ever since we met.”  Ben settled back against his pillow. _

_ “A while back…” _

_ “Don't you mean once upon a time?” Ben knew he shouldn't have interrupted when the man have him a mean look. _

_ “Once upon a time is for fairy tales, boy.  Real life ain't no fairy tale. It starts different and ends different. Now, no more interrupting.” He shook his finger into Ben's face, dangerously close to his nose.  Not wanting a zap, Ben nodded in agreement. _

_ “Now, where was I?  A while back, I met a whore… Do you know what a whore is Benny Boy?”  _

_ He frowned.  “Is that a bad word?” _

_ Brendol’s chuckle made him uncomfortable.  “Yeah, probably don’t say it to your mama.” _

_ Ben looked away. _

_ “A whore is a woman that sells what she shouldn’t to anyone that will pay for it.  I used to think they could be fixed. A while back, I met one that I liked and thought she was too sweet to be doing something so terrible. _

_ So I took her up, gave her a little home and some money.  Hell, I even put a baby in her belly. That’s how well I liked her.” He paused for effect.  “I figured that would fix her from her whoring, but I was wrong.” His tone was harsh, and it made Ben squirm a little. _

_ “When I found out that she was still selling herself, I was mad. I’ll be honest.  But all I really did was take what was mine. I couldn’t leave my baby with her no more.”  Ben stared at him, wide eyed and getting a little scared. _

_ “What do you mean, Brendol?” he asked with a tremor in his voice. _

_ With a flash, the man was towering over his bedside.  The shadows from the lamplight made him look menacing. _

_ “The whore had my baby, so I took him from her.”  With malice and evil in his smile, he dragged one finger down his paunchy belly.  “I cut him out of her, do you understand? Oh, how she screamed and begged!” _

_ Ben whimpered as, suddenly, the clean khakis and polo Brendol wore were covered in blood and gore.  “I don’t want to hear this story anymore.” _

_ “But we’re just getting to best part.  Don’t you want to hear how it all ended?”  He leaned closer to the lamplight and pantomimed holding a baby.  “I had my son, and I was gonna leave her in peace. Didn't do nothing I didn't have to to get my boy back, you see?”  Ben shrank away from him as the man got louder. “But that’s when your daddy came busting in. Busting in to MY house mind you, and BOOM!”   _

_ As the side of Brendol’s head exploded outward, Ben found himself paralyzed, unable to scream. _

 

Rey’s thoughts of shower were quickly forgotten when she entered the bedroom.  She was hit by a flood of terror and anguish that nearly brought her to her knees.  When she realized that Kylo was still asleep, she rushed to him but shaking him and shouting did nothing to rouse him.

Thinking of little Jyn’s night terrors, she perched on the side of the bed and focused on the turmoil within him.  Visualizing his emotions as a writhing mass of darkness, she found all the calm she could muster and surrounded it.  When she yanked back to pull that pain to her, he jolted upright, awake and clearly disoriented.

As he sat, doubled over and breathing heavily, Rey rubbed his back in rhythmic circles.  “I’m right here.” She murmured soothingly. “You had a bad dream, but it’s over now.”

She kept on for long minutes as he calmed.  When he finally was a little steadier, she asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”

He let out a shuddering breath and shook his head.

“How about some tea, then?”

 

It was moments later, as she set their tea to steep, that he spoke at last.  “When I was a little kid, my dad was a cop.”

He didn’t need to see her face to know he’d surprised her.  

“At one point, some perp decided to fuck with him by going through me.  He liked to tell me stories about the horrible things he’d done.” Rey came around the bar and wrapped an arm around his waist in support.  

“How old were you?” she asked quietly.

“4 or 5.  My dad managed to get him away from me, but the bastard did some damage.  I used to scream when my parents tried to put me to bed. I was terrified that I would dream of him.  Whenever it happens, I can’t seem to wake up. I just cycle through the worst moments of all of it.” He hugged her to him.  “He used to say that the only thing worth having was power and true power could only be gotten through fear.”

“Do you believe that?”  her voice was soft and still as gentle as earlier.

“No, but I never had to believe it so long as he did.”

“What happened to him?  Did he go to jail?”

“My dad never told me the whole story, but I got hold of the police report a few years ago.  Apparently, Officers Han Solo and William Chewbacca responded to a domestic disturbance call.  Brendol was found covered in blood holding a newborn baby boy. His mistress was whimpering and bleeding out of the floor.  Fearing for the baby, Officer Solo killed him.” He was quiet but didn't seem quite detached as he relayed those events.

“My God!” Rey gasped.  “What happened to the baby?”

Kylo looked down toward the bar.  “I don't know the intervening story, but our boss placed him with Phasma when he bought in to her brothel.  The redhead?”

“We've met.” She tensed but didn't pull away.  “I never imagined that I would feel any pity for the man that drugged and kidnapped me.”

Kylo looked into her eyes. “We can’t let old tragedies excuse bad choices.”

“Even yours?” She asked gently.

He sighed and looked away.  “Especially mine.”

Rey settled her hand along his jaw.  She opened herself and felt all of his sorrow, guilt, and self-loathing.  Compassion washed through her. “Have you always hated yourself this much?”

“Not this much… not always…”  She pulled him back into a hug and held him tight.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had hoped to post this yesterday, but I think the extra time helped the end result. I'm finding it challenging to get the necessary backstory in without relying on the exposition fairy. I hope I was successful on this round.


	8. Pulling a String in the Gordian Knot

Special Agent Amylin Holdo checked her reflection in the glass door of the office building before she pulled it open.  Her conservative pant suit fit in well in the bland and modern reception area. She knew that her purple hair made her memorable.  "Approachable" was her argument to her boss all those years ago when she'd changed it. (Nevermind the drunken bet she'd lost to Leia.  What he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her reputation.)

Signing in, she headed up for her interview with Rey Johnson's former boss.  The length of time since her disappearance was discouraging, but it had taken a little time to find the right person.  Poor Rose Tico hadn't had much to go on.

Bazine Netal was curious and concerned.  All she had been told when agreeing to this meeting was that the FBI was investigating Rey's disappearance, but there had to be more to it than that.  Before that dreadful night, she'd have said that Rey being involved in something nefarious was absurd, but she'd been questioning a lot of things about her own judgement of people lately.

Once the offer of refreshments was made and declined, the women got to business.

"Have you heard anything from Rey Johnson in the past two weeks?" Amylin poised her pencil over her tablet in anticipation.

"I've not heard from Rey directly since she left my employ.  I electronically deposited her last paycheck two days after she snuck out of my house in the middle of the night.  I assumed that, since her passport was no longer in our fireproof box, she had decided to fly home. To be honest, I was a bit relieved even though my children have been distraught without her."

"Why were you relieved?" She'd expected this question.

"I caught her and my husband in a rather compromising position.  The whole scene was rather distressing. We've only been married a few months, but Rey had been with me since she was 19.  I felt so betrayed by both of them." _Maybe I shouldn't have admitted that._ "I assumed that she'd left to try and spare the children from any more upset."

"I see."  The agent took a breath. "Ms. Netal, we have a witness that places Rey Johnson among a group of victims of an aggravated kidnapping.  That witness's statement puts Miss Johnson outside a bus station at approximately 4 AM on the 9th. Do you know what time she might have left your home?". The agent may have been trying only for urgency, but, to Bazine, the air may well have been sucked from her lungs.

"Kidnapped? No, no I'm sure she's fine.  There must be some mistake.". She fumbled for her phone and began to dial even as she kept speaking.

"Rey's a self sufficient person, but she'd have said something if she needed help arranging a way home.  She has her passport and is always careful with money. I'm sure she's..."

Clicking to speaker, she was greeted by that familiar chipper voice.  "This is Rey! Leave a message!"

"Rey, it's Baz.  Call me." She quickly hung up and tried not jump to conclusions about the call going straight to voicemail.

Almost to herself, she murmured, "I'm sure she's fine.  I'm certain of it." Instead of convincing herself, her words only fed the growing doubt she had.

"Is there someone else we could contact to verify her well-being?  A family member? A boyfriend maybe?"

"No, she has no one.". Her own words were like a knife through her heart.  A buzzing started to sound in her ears. This was real. "She had no one but us... And I threw her away, just like her bastard parents. Oh God, what have I done?"

She choked on a sob, then scrambled desperately for her phone to call again.  Under her breath, she whispered, "Please. Please, answer."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After revamping my outline, I decided to split up some chapters. Shorter chapters seem to work better for this story and will mean faster updates. Thanks for reading!


	9. Gilding Her Cage

Stepping out of the steaming bathroom, Rey found Amazon boxes opened and set out on the bed.  She was a little startled but saw that the door to the hall was closed and the room was empty.  When she investigated, she found yoga pants, workout shirts, underwear, and even the sports bra she requested.

The feel of soft cotton wasn’t the cause of her bliss in that moment.  Snapping the front clasp around her felt good because it was hers in a way that nothing had been in weeks.  She pulled on the rest of her new clothes and danced around the room for a moment to enjoy the freedom of movement.  

Laughing a little at herself, she started folding up the clothing. She sobered when she realized that she didn’t have a drawer to put them in.  It had been years since she’d had no place to put her things. She left the room with her modest collection of new clothes folded up on the foot of the bed.

When she stepped out into the living room, she found Kylo sorting through more Amazon boxes and carefully popping the airpacs to fold and recycle.  She padded out in her bare feet.

 

As soon as he saw her, Ben smiled happily.  “Everything fit so far?” He asked.

She nodded and walked further into the room.  He resisted the urge to rush her over to the couch and show her his surprises.  Giving gifts had always been his favorite part of Christmas and birthdays. With Rey, he was rediscovering that joy.

“Kylo!  You made more tea!  Bless you!” she seemed unaware that he cringed a little at the sound of his alias.  He was rapidly starting to hate that name from her lips.

He waited a little impatiently for her to get her tea and come around into the living room.  Sneaking glances at her to make sure she didn't see, he arranged the first group of treasures on the side chair.  A part of him hoped that she would sit on them, but he'd not known her to be that situationally oblivious. He must have been less subtle than he intended because she gave him a quizzical look as she stepped around the bar.  

“The clothes fit well, thank you.  Not that yours weren't comfortable, but it's nice not worry about tripping every time I take a step.” She smiled sweetly.  

“I didn’t mind sharing, but you said you’d like to use the treadmill sometimes.  It’ll be nice to have company while I’m lifting.” To his excitement, she started around the couch.  He could tell by her gasp when she saw everything that had come in. 

“Oh my… What all did you buy?”  She was obviously stunned. It was delightful.

Grinning like a boy, he bounced a little on the balls of his feet.  “Why don’t you look for yourself?”

At his gesture of encouragement she started toward the pile of items on the side chair.  Her gasp at seeing the bluetooth speaker and MP3 player was better than he could have imagined.  He took a step toward her. “I’ll load any music that you want on there. It has 64GB of memory so it should store pretty well anything you might want.  And the speaker is supposed to have great battery life.”

She look at him like she was in shock.  “You bought this just for me?”

“Of course.”  He replied encouragingly.  “You asked for so little on your list of stuff that I had to be creative.  It was actually pretty fun to try to find things that you might use.”

She set the boxes on the coffee table and was about to turn toward the kitchen when she noticed that they were sitting on a fluffy blue blanket.  She scooped it up and buried her face in it, rubbing the soft fabric back and forth along her cheek and neck. He never thought he’d be jealous of a throw.

She draped across the back of the couch and went to pick up the player and speaker.  He was surprised at his disappointment. “Where are you going?”

“I thought I would charge the player and speaker, maybe read through the manual so I know how to use the features.”  She tilted her head in inquiry. “Do you want me to wait?”

“Don’t you want to open the rest of your presents?”  He grinned happily when she half shouted in surprise, “There’s more!?”

  
  


Two hours later, rain had started coming down heavily against the windows.  They’d gotten all the boxes broken down for recycle and put together the new upholstered storage bench he’d gotten for the end of the bed.  It was only as they were moving the extra sheets from the built in drawers in the closet that she realized she’d not seen a laundry anywhere.

“It’s in the basement.  It’s not bad, but there’s only a few machines.”  He sighed. “It’s my least favorite thing about this building.”

_ Basement! _ She tried to hide her excitement.  _ That means he’ll have to let me out of the apartment.  Surely he’ll consider doing our laundry to be my job, especially since he doesn’t like it. _

“With two people, that little hamper in the closet is filling up rather quickly.  Should I plan to hand wash some of it?” She tried to be non-committal. 

The moment he opened his mouth to respond, the thunder clapped so loudly the windows rattled.  The bedroom had no windows but the hallway flashed with the lightning from the kitchen. The both jumped with fright, then laughed at themselves.

“What do you say we leave all this for later and watch the light show out of the kitchen windows?  I’ll pour us some wine.” He gave her another of those happy boyish smiles. They made him seem young and carefree in a way that she knew he wasn’t.

With a light laugh that she barely had to force, she offered her elbow.  “If you’d kindly escort me?”

 

They were down to last of the bottle of Cabernet by the time the light show stopped.  The rain was still heavy and with a little pleading Rey convinced Kylo to open the window.  “It’ll only hit the granite. The kitchen’s meant to be water safe, isn’t it?”

Seemingly ever indulgent, he opened the window for her.  As the wind blew in the rain and fresh ozone scented air, she realized how much she’d missed outside.  Without meaning to, she sighed out loud.

“What is it?” He asked quietly.  She cursed herself and blamed the wine.

Too tipsy to be anything but honest, she replied.  “I miss going outside. I wish you had a balcony or something…”

“A balcony?”  He seemed to be considering her comments, but what could he do about the lack of a patio after all?   “There’s a rooftop garden that we could visit once it’s clear. The rain makes it a little unpleasant because of the way the water runs off though.”

She could feel her whole face light up at the prospect.

“If your shoes come in tomorrow, and it clears up, how about we have a picnic lunch on the roof?”  She tried to contain her glee, but threw her arms around his neck in a hug instead.

He pulled her closer and held her tight.  Despite knowing that she was tipsy and shouldn’t do it, she pressed her lips against his neck.  When he hummed in contentment, she began to trail her tongue down until she could nose aside the collar of his shirt.   _ Maybe it’s time I give him hickey or two.  Seems only fair. _

She latched on to the spot that, on her, had meant the ultimate bliss and began to suck the skin into her mouth.  She didn’t need his groan to know she was doing something right, but it was arousing nonetheless. It was only in trying to get closer and a better angle that her shorter stature became a problem.

She pulled away from him and hopped up on the counter.  With a coquettish grin, she beckoned to him. He came to her like a man under a spell.  Exulting in her power in that moment, she drew him down for another kiss.

The angle was better than she could have imagined.  He pulled her hips flush against hers and she could feel his hardness pressing hot and heavy against her core.  “Oh Kylo” came from her mouth involuntarily.

It must have been the wrong thing to say because he ripped himself away from her and left the room.


	10. Knight Fall

The morning had dawned with rain and awkwardness, but by the time her ballet flats arrived both had blown over.  It was cloudy, and Kylo was carefully trying to temper her expectations of the patio.   _It can be a bare gross roof for all I care.  I want to go outside!_ He smiled at her with amusement, but she only grinned back.  However, their happy moods evaporated before they even made it to the main hall.

The man blocking their exit was big, blond and somehow rough looking.  His clothes were the standard American male uniform of a collared pullover and blue jeans, but his posture was unsettling.  Rey reached out to feel for why but cringed back at the gleeful malevolence that she found. This was a man that took pleasure in destruction.

"Knight." Kylo's one word could hardly be called a greeting.

"Ren." The man managed to lace a lot of loathing in that one syllable.

She tried to be subtle about angling herself away from this new threat.  Carefully not meeting his eyes, Rey positioned herself behind her tall captor and tried to make sure she had a clear path back into the apartment if she needed to run.

"You two going somewhere?"  He sneered at them as he seemed to take in every detail about her - the ones they'd deliberately placed as well as ones they'd overlooked.  Every instinct she'd honed in her early years were screaming at her to get away from this man.

Kylo ignored his question.  "What do you want?"

"Boss asked me to come around.  He wanted to make sure everything was going well for you."  The threat in that statement was not subtle and neither was the way Kylo drew himself to full height, trying to use his size to even the scale.  Knight just laughed, a nasty little huffing noise that expressed no real humor.

"You think you scare me?  Remember, boy - I am what boss has you pretend to be.  Now, why don't you two go back inside and have a nice, quiet lunch?"  He stepped closer, deliberately putting himself into the younger man's personal space.  Patting Kylo on the cheek in a condescending gesture, he smiled widely with satisfaction.

As he moved back to walk away, he gave Rey another leering once over.  "When you go in tomorrow for your little audit, you just let me know if your little acquisition seems lonely.  Me and the boys will be glad to keep her company."

Without waiting for a reply, he turned and walked away.

 

It was only once he was out of sight that Ben turned away and ushered Rey back into their apartment.   After closing the door, he twisted the key for deadbolt. He knew he was breathing too hard, but the whole confrontation had triggered his fight or flight response.  He looked up to find her studying him. She seemed calm or at least much calmer than he was.

"Is that who you're worried would try to hurt me if you let me go?"

He nodded. "Him and about a dozen more brutes just like him."

She walked into the kitchen and poured two glasses of wine from the open bottle in his little wine fridge.  Carrying them toward the sofa, she clearly intended that he follow her. Eyeing the remnant of wine left in the magnum bottle, he grabbed it before settling on the couch next to her.

Silence was his defense in any conversation he didn't want to have so he waited, sipping at his wine.

"That man talked about you pretending to be something.  What did he mean by that?" She got right to the point.

"Kylo Ren is more than an alias that I use.  It's a carefully cultivated persona that prevents people from finding out my real role in Snoke's organization." His heart was beating a little too fast.  Divulging any of this was strictly taboo, but he couldn't bear to keep her in the dark or have her believe that he was anything like the man that had just left.

She kept her gaze steady on his face.  The expression she wore was the one he'd come to think of as her listening face.

"My employer is extremely paranoid.  He tries to protect himself from betrayal in a lot of ways, one of which is to ensure that the identities of people with access to sensitive information are kept secure."

"So your role as some sort of... enforcer?"

"Is misdirection.  He's afraid that, without a reason for me to be seen coming and going, the law enforcement agencies that are constantly watching his operations would discover what I really do for him." He took a deeper swallow of his wine to hide his anxiety.

"So, when that man said you had an audit?  He was saying?" It shouldn't exasperate him to have to spell it out, but he sighed a little anyway

Holding out his hand as though to shake hers, he said matter-of-factly, "Hello, I'm Ben Solo - chief accountant to one of the most vicious criminal masterminds of the modern age."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this twist doesn't feel completely out of the blue. I've been trying to hint at it.


	11. Alone in Her Head

The whole space was unnervingly quiet when Rey woke up.  She hadn’t realized that she’d grown so accustomed to constant company until she woke to realize that there was no undercurrent of another person anywhere in the apartment.  Rising to brush her teeth and dress, Rey wondered what time it was.  _ Not that you know when he was planning to leave. _

The kitchen was a little surreal.  The kettle was out and on the stove just waiting for her to turn on the burner.  Even the cup that had become hers was sitting out with bag of English Breakfast sitting in it, just waiting for her.

Slowly Rey became aware of her own heart rate.  It was fast and getting faster. The more she absorbed the emptiness, the more anxious she began to feel.  It was only as her breathing became rapid and her ears started ringing that she realized she was having an anxiety attack.   _ There’s no one here to help me.  It’s been so long; I don’t know what to do!   _

Her inner monologue was at its most destructive.   _ You’re so useless, even to yourself.   _ She gasped for air and felt her chest tightening.   _ There’s no one here to help.  You’re all alone like always.  _ Her knees weakened and she grabbed the bar stool to keep from falling.   _ He’s left you here with no way out.  Abandoned you because you’re worthless.   _ She doubled over the seat of the stool and was so caught up in her terror that she barely noticed the tears streaming from her eyes.

It was only once the kettle began to whistle that she snapped back into reality.  Biting hard on her own tongue, she used the pain to center herself further.  _ I am a brilliant, self sufficient, and self reliant woman.  I don’t need others to keep me well. _

Even though she didn’t quite believe it, she repeated it like any other mantra.  “I am a brilliant, self sufficient, and self reliant woman. I don’t need others to keep me well.”

Slowly, she straightened and stepped carefully around the island.  As she pulled the kettle from the burner, she said it again with more fervor. “I am a brilliant, self sufficient, and self reliant woman.  I don’t need others to keep me well!”

 

It seemed like hours but could have been minutes later that Rey settled on the couch under her new blanket.  The close call with an anxiety attack had taken much of her strength and motivation. She sipped her tea and felt steadier.   _ Like some living english stereotype. _

Kylo… Ben… had told her last night that he would be late getting home tonight.   _ When did this become home? No, don’t think about it.   _

This was the first chance that she would have to search for a way out or a way to call for help.  The prospect started her heart racing again, but this time she was expecting it.  _ Steady Rey.  You have time.  Take it slow and steady.  Be the tortoise. _

A few more sips of her tea and she had her decision.  She would start with the lesser accessed drawers in the kitchen.  Maybe she would find something there. “I am a brilliant, self sufficient, and self reliant woman.  I am capable of saving myself.”

  
  


The timer on the wall oven counted down as Rey systematically searched each kitchen drawer.  She had Netflix playing a loop of The Great British Baking Show. She’d already seen the first three seasons, but she found the familiarity comforting and had started it at the beginning.  

Before starting to reassemble the drawer that she’d emptied, Rey catalogued her findings so far.  The envelope of photos was weird, but the date/time stamp was years old. Obviously taken with a telephoto lense without the knowledge of the older but still pretty woman in them, she'd call them spy photos since she had no context for them.  They were of no use to her. Everything else in the drawer was odds and ends from the kitchen that she was surprised he hadn't thrown out.

Under the sink was her best find so far.  The tool box was a treasure trove of useful items like zip ties and a variety of small tools.  The ratcheting screwdriver was especially nice, but she’d laughed a little to find that the driver set was still wrapped in plastic.  She’d already considered and dismissed for now the idea of dismantling the lock.  _ I’ve no desire to meet Knight again, especially not by myself. _

She carefully slid the drawer back on its tracks and pulled out the next.  She gasped to see a discarded cell phone sitting on the top of the miscellaneous litter.   _ Don’t get your hopes up.  There’s a reason he doesn’t use it. _

She flipped it over and examined it closely.  The screen was cracked a bit but nothing else seemed wrong with it.  Ben was so particular with everything that may have been the only reason he’d replaced it.  Perhaps he’d even intended to repair it. 

Eagerly, she began to look for a charger.  There were several cords in there, but the only one that fit the phone was a USB cable.  She was discouraged as she looked for a wall adapter but came up without one. When she looked again at the connector she recognized it as the same one that fit her little music player.  

She rushed into the bedroom to where she’d plugged it and the speaker in.  Excited to have a chance at communicating with the outside world, Rey went to plug in the phone just as the oven timer went off.  She laughed a little giddily.  _ You always have had a tendency to lose track of time, Rey. _

Changing her mind, she grabbed all the electronics and chargers.  She rushed into the kitchen and plugged everything in. WIth some attentiveness, she’d be able to swap the phone for the MP3 player and hide her new treasure once she heard his key in the lock.

She pulled the ground lamb and tikka paste out from the refrigerator.  Humming to herself, she started mixing the meat and seasonings together for the kofkas.  As she went, she realized that the last time she’d made them was for the twin’s birthday.  It hurt to think of the babies.  _ I hope they know that I didn’t want to leave them.  _

At first she’d tried not to think of them.  Illogically it had seemed that doing do would sully them somehow.  Unfortunately, the past few days had brought so many unwelcome reminders of what she’d lost.

Kylo’s,  _ No _ …  _ Ben’s, _ nightmare had reminded her so much of little Jyn’s night terrors.  There was no trauma that had caused hers, but they always seemed to happen after a big change.  _  I just hope that she’s been able to bring herself out of them… _  The babies, Jyn and Cassian, were so important to her.  She’d been looking after them since they were 2 years old.   _ Even without the rest of it, you’d have been without them.  They aren’t yours.  _ She raised a hand to her cheeks and wiped away the tears.   _ Perhaps it would be kinder if they don’t remember me at all. _

She turned away from the stove to wipe her nose and splash water on her face.  Between the anxiety and excitement from earlier and her bout of grief and self pity at making the twin’s favorite meal, Rey’s head was aching.  She glanced at the clock.  _ Not quite 5… Lets get everything ready to go in the oven, then we can rest a bit. _

She added the kofkas into the hot skillet and started making the mint yogurt sauce.  Once that was covered and in the fridge, she pulled the seared meat from the skillet and readied it for the fridge as well.  It would only take a few minutes in the oven to finish everything off so that could wait until  _ Ben _ got back.

A few minutes later, she had the kitchen clean with the window open to clear the any remaining smell.  Her cell phone was safely stored back in the drawer. She opened a new bottle of wine and poured herself a glass.  She walked around to settle on the couch under her blanket and readied herself to wait for her only companion to return.  As she sipped her wine and let the still chattering voices from the TV wash over her, she thought;  _ I’m getting rather good at waiting. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I did the chaotic emotions of an anxiety attack justice. I've never tried to describe one before.


	12. Bad Company

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick warning this chapter - Hux is a terrible person.

Armitage Hux tried not to be obvious when looking for Solo.  Him coming into the office in broad daylight was unusual enough.  There was too much at stake for him to be seen as suspicious, but he couldn't keep waiting.  The asshole hadn't been in days.

Knight was the only one that had seen him since he'd bought the little British bitch.  Fortunately, the man hadn't needed interrogation. He had been delighted to laugh as he told about “Ren's little pet.”

_ I just need to get her back.  She's the only one that knows the little asian cunt that escaped. _

The girl that Phasma had dubbed “Green eyes” had known nothing useful.  She'd known so little, in fact, that he'd let her live when he was done.   _ Though Phasma hadn't cared for the marks on her.   _ He smirked to himself.   _ We still made plenty off the girl. _

The one thing Green Eyes had known was that English was her friend.  Unfortunately, once Phasma had realized she was a virgin, there'd been no getting her alone.   _ I thought I was in the clear when I found out she'd been sold permanently, but I've never been that lucky. _

He tensed as he heard Solo's voice from the stairwell.  With anyone else he might try to approach him affably and suggest lunch, but a friendly face to Solo would be far out of character.  Their loathing for each other was well known even though only Snoke knew the real reasons behind it.  _ For the best, I doubt I could pretend to be friendly towards the bastard. _

“Oi! Fuckface!” he defaulted to his standard greeting for the man.

“What?” he snarled in response.

“Phaz wanted me to tell you: you can swap that bint in for another if you're ready for some fresh meat.” He gave a sly smile. “Course, depending on the damage, she may have to dock a bit off her value.”

“Go suck a cock,” was his only reply as he tried to walk on to his office.

_ Stuck up pox thinks he's better than me?  _  His resentment twisted inside him as he followed.  “Is the whore that good? Maybe I'll go by and visit.  She might be lonely with you here.” His verbal arrow hit the mark.

The attack Solo launched spoke of formal training that an orphaned street rat like him could never have dreamed to get.  Privilege was only one of the many reasons that he hated him.

Even as his back slammed into wall and Solo's forearm cut off his windpipe, he laughed in his face.  “Guess that little piece must be worth more than Phaz thought.”

The man said nothing, just pressed harder on his throat.  Anyone else might have been scared, but Hux was triumphant.  

“What are you going to do?  We both know why you won't kill me.” He was getting short of breath but couldn't stop himself from gloating.

“Do you think your death would haunt me?” Solo gritted out.

“Hmm, I know it would.” The rasp to his voice didn't diminish his confidence.

He was released immediately after that but then found himself being dragged down the hall and shoved into a small dingy office.  He noticed that his enemy waited until the door was closed before rounding on him again.

“What do you want?” The directness surprised him.

“Get rid of the girl.” The words were out before he could stop them.

“Why?” He sounded honestly confused.

“She's a liability.  She could have overhead some things at Phasma's that, paired with anything she might glean from you could put us at risk.” He was building his case as he went.  It would need more work, but he could tell he’d shaken his first mark.

“Go fuck yourself.” The angry and irrational response was promising.   _ Looks like he has gotten attached just like Knight said. _

“That sounds like a bit of guilt.  If we had nothing to worry about, you’d be a little better at this debate or willing to let us interrogate the girl.”

“You’ve got nothing but supposition to back this up.”

“Come on, who do you really think Snoke will listen to? The son of his former partner? Or the whelp of the pig that killed him?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The most fun I had while writing this chapter was looking up Irish insults. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to use much since most of the ones I found were good natured insults rather than something a person would say to someone that you actively hated.


	13. Unwinding in the Wind

Ben stood on the rooftop patio with wind whipping his hair and the sound of cars from the street in his ears.  He counted to ten as he inhaled and again as he exhaled. He wanted to empty his mind of work and worries. The static and sudden appearance of his father was a relief.

“Your hair's gonna be a wreck when you go inside, you know.” Han stood at the rail next to him with a gentle smile of his face.

“Hi Dad.  I just needed to purge the day a bit before I went in to Rey.” He sighed.  “Things are always a little tense, but today was so much worse. I had a headache even before fucking Hux jumped me.”

“Hux?” His dad was startled.  Ben realized that he must not have been watching.

“He got in my face about Rey.  It didn't make much sense. I guess he thinks she picked up information at Phasma's that could implicate us?” The confrontation still had him angry. “As if she doesn't have enough on them with just the kidnapping.” He mumbled the last of that under his breath.

“Hmm, I don't like the sound of that.” Han's comment wasn't helpful but talking about it settled him a bit.  

“It's not just that though. I hated having to leave her this morning and it's getting harder to pretend that I actually want to be there when I go in to talk to Snoke.”

“Huh, guess your job's not as different as I thought then.” Han mumbled quietly.  To his son, he said, “I remember having that problem. There I was in California trying to drum up business when Chewy and I were first getting started, but all I wanted was to find some short haul job so I could be home with you and your mom.”

“How is Mom?” Ben's voice was low and sad.  It was hard for Ben to think of her because the regret hurt so much.

“She’s alright.  Keeping busy with her foundation like always.”  Han smiled a little. “When I popped in yesterday morning, she was helping chase one of the little kids at the shelter.  Tyke was stark naked, soaking wet and streaming soap suds behind him.” Ben couldn’t help but laugh at the image of his dignified mother in such a chaotic situation.

“The soap made the floor so slick that she went sliding and had to grab a door frame to keep from landing on her ass.”  Han had to give his son a moment before he could finish his story.

“By the time they caught the kid, he’d streaked his way through to the backyard and dove into a pile of leaves that someone was raking up.”  It was a minute before Ben could catch his breath, but the laughter was cathartic.

He was still smiling when he asked, “Did she see you?”

“Nah, I knew she wouldn’t be able to talk so I waited until she was home to really try and visit.” Han’s smile turned wistful.  “It takes a lot of energy to see her, so I never can stay long. I try to time it so that I can make the most of it.”

Regret, his eternal companion, returned with that statement.  “Dad, I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, well…” Han trailed off, then suddenly he seemed to make a decision. “Honest answer, son, is that I count myself lucky to get to see her at all.  It’s been 30 years since she carried you, so I’ll gladly take what time I have.”

“That’s not what I meant.”  Ben both did and didn’t want to have this conversation.  It was one they’d been avoiding for months.

“You mean the fact that I’m dead at all?”  Ben nodded. “Hell son, we don’t know which one of us pulled that trigger.  I’m just grateful that it wasn’t you that got hit when the gun went off.”

“Maybe, but the fact remains that if I had made different decisions, you would still be alive.  It’s my fault that you died.” It was the first time he’d said those brutally honest words. Somehow the pain was both better and worse with lancing the wound.

“Ben, I’m not going to gloss over it.  You going to work for that sick bastard felt like a slap in the face and knowing that he had gotten you trapped in his web kept me up nights.”  He looked down at the ground. “But nothing is ever going to change the fact that I love you. No matter what you’ve done, I couldn’t let you take his life.”

He frowned.  “I want out, Dad, I do.  But I know he’ll never let me leave.  I know too much.”

“Son, I get it.  But you have to understand, I tried to take your gun because I knew that if you killed him, you’d never be free of him.  Everyone feels the consequence of taking a life, but us Solo’s are cursed to be haunted by our dead.”

Ben nodded and met his father’s eyes.  “Do you wish that you could move on?” It was a question he’d been afraid to ask.

“Move on to what?  I’ve never been a man of faith.  You know that.” The answer eased the tightness in his chest just a little.  “I try to look at it this way. I get time with you; I get time with your mom.  I don’t have to pay Chewy the $100 bucks I lost to him on poker night…” He smiled half-heartedly at that.  “I have it pretty good, son. Don’t let yourself think otherwise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this flows ok. We're getting into some of the chapters that I split and reorganized. *fingers crossed*


	14. Pillow Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slower post this week. All a negative flu test really meant for my hubby and me was "We have no medicine. Go home and be miserable."  
> I'm just lucky my brother took pity and made us chicken noodle soup.

A few nights later, the delivery that they’d ordered for dinner sat a little heavy in her stomach as Rey tried to get settled into bed.  Ben was already lying back against his pillow and, at her nod, he turned off the lamp on his nightstand. The room was quiet, but not silent as they lay side by side.  

She closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep but her daily naps and general lack of stimulation was making it harder and harder to keep to Ben’s routine.  She considered counting sheep but had always found that cliche a little silly. Instead she lay quietly and listened for Ben's breathing in hopes that the sound of someone sleeping would help her get there too.

“What's the matter?” His voice was a low rumble in the dark.  

Rey twisted on her side towards him.  “Nothing, just having trouble falling asleep.”

“Hmph, I was hoping to let the sound of you sleeping lull me. Guess that's not going to work.” She laughed a little to herself at that.

They lay in silence for a few moments more, but they both knew they wouldn't sleep anytime soon.  Finally, Ben broke the silence.

“Could I ask you a question?” he was quick to reassure her.  “You don't have to answer.”

“You can ask…” she replied, intrigued by this line of conversation.

“You said you grew up in foster care.  What happened to your parents?” he seemed to hold his breath waiting for her response.

Rey lifted the sheets and scooched across the space that divided them.  Once she was close enough to feel his body heat radiating next to her, she settled her head on his pillow.  “I don't know for certain what happened to them. I was found behind a restaurant digging through an alley bin for food when I was about 4 or 5.”

Ben gasped and reached for her hand.  When he found it, he laced their fingers together and brought her hand to his lips.

“I was told that I had signs of malnourishment and some bruises but no evidence of physical abuse.  They tried to find my parents, of course, but had no success. I had no memories that were of use to the investigator.  I didn't even know my name.” Rey braced herself to admit the next part. “They gave me Rey Johnson because it was the name of a character in a book my caseworker was reading.  They had a doctor estimate my age and picked a birthday.”

Ben let go of her hand and wrapped his arms around her.  He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I can't imagine what you went through.”

She snuggled in, grateful to accept comfort.  “It got better after that, but it was years before I was eligible for adoption.  I went from one foster or group home to the next as they tried to find me a permanent family.  The hardest part was the uncertainty. I never really knew when I started a new school term whether I would end it in the same place.”

Other than to squeeze her a little in a hug, he didn't respond.  Rey found herself admitting the things she tried to forget.

“All the way up to turning 16, I hoped my parents would turn up.  All foster kids have rescue fantasies, of course, but mine didn't involve royalty or wealth.  I would just sit and imagine my parents showing up one day. They would hug me and apologize. ‘We've missed you terribly.’ they would tell me. ‘Please forgive us, we didn't mean to be gone so long.’. I held that fantasy for so much longer than I should have, but eventually I learned to let it, and them, go.”

“They didn't deserve you.” He kissed her hair and tried to let go of his anger at those faceless monsters.   _They're gone, hopefully dead in a ditch somewhere._

“Don't waste your anger on them, Ben.” _How does she always know?_  She leaned up and kissed his jaw.

“Eventually, I discovered that I love fixing things.  One of my foster parents owned an antique shop. She would pay me to repair all the old clocks so that she could sell them.  I found the workmanship fascinating and learned to make my own clockworks and gears for those that we couldn't fix with existing parts.”  She smiled a little at the happy memory.

“I envy your patience.  The charging circuit went out on my last cell phone.  I probably could have gotten it repaired if I hadn't thrown it against the wall in frustration.”  He felt the odd tension in her at that story and was quick to reassure her. “Don't worry. I don't make habit of tantrums anymore.  I was bad about it as a kid, though.”

She nestled her head into shoulder, and he lay there in the dark enjoying the embrace.  He might have finally been able to doze off if she hadn't started running her finger-tips along his side.  Even through his cotton t-shirt, the light caress tickled.

He squirmed a bit as he tried and failed to ignore the sensation.  As always, Rey seemed to know what he was feeling. She popped her head off his shoulder and leaned over him.  “Ben?” He could hear the amusement in her voice. “Are you ticklish?”

“Rey.” Her name came out as a groan.

“You are!” he couldn't be mad when she sounded that delighted.

When she dug her fingers into his sides, the only defense he had over her was to attempt retaliation.  She laughed at his efforts. With wiggles and delight, she informed him, “I'm not ticklish!”

With her squirming underneath him, he tried to pin her.  Given their size difference, it was hardly fair, but it was the only way he could think to stop her onslaught.  Unfortunately, he underestimated her flexibility and quick reflexes. When she wriggled out from under him, he lost control of their grappling.  By the time they stilled, they were lying side by side with their limbs entangled, gasping for breath and still laughing.

 

Rey’s eyes were wet with tears from laughter and her cheeks were nearly sore from grinning so hard.  She lay in Ben’s arm trying to catch her breath. Slowly she became aware that one of her thighs was slung across one of his.  She could feel heat and hardness pressed against her pelvis. Flushed, happy, and a little aroused; she tilted her head up to reach his lips and traced his plush bottom lip with the tip of her tongue.  

When he groaned and parted his lips, she pressed forward and kissed him deeply.  Tangling one hand into his soft hair, she tangled her tongue with his. Her pelvis was already slotted against his, and when she pressed harder against him the pleasure radiated out, making her want more.  

While she ground against him rhythmically, he spanned one large hand across her butt.  It was stunning how warm and hard everything about him felt against her. He saturated her senses, and she dove headlong into the pleasure.  He broke the kiss and trailed down along her jaw. Longingly, she arched and angled her neck to give him better access.

She whimpered and pulled at his hair to guide him where she wanted.  WIth her other hand, she reached around his back. She tried desperately to get closer, wanting more of what he made her feel.  The tension coiled within her, and she felt him chasing that peak with her.

His warm hand ran up under her thin cotton shirt and caressed her spine.  Tingling shivers seemed to follow the trail of his touch. She felt almost desperate for more and dug her fingers into taught muscle of his back.  

“Ben, oh god, Ben” left her mouth involuntarily as she ground faster against him.  When the waves of pleasure broke across her body, she buried her face into his shoulder and shook uncontrollably.  Her breath shuddered out past her lips, warm and humid. When she breathed in, all she could smell was him.

 

He held her tight and tried not to feel frustrated with himself.   _Seems like I'm always my own worst enemy._ Ever perceptive, his Rey pulled her head from the crook of his shoulder.

“Ben?” She sounded tentative and a little embarrassed.  “You didn't? Uh?”

She sounded as uncomfortable as he felt.   _This is a little silly. We live together!_ He pulled her back close and put her out of her misery with a laugh.  “My own overactive mind did me in.” He could feel himself blushing a little.  “I was, uh, having a very good time when I suddenly realized that this is my last pair of clean pajama pants, and I need to do laundry.”  Saying it out loud made him laugh a little more. “Some days I hate the way my mind works.”

She laughed with him for a moment, and despite his persistent erection, he enjoyed the closeness in that moment.  Careful to let her know that he had no expectations from her to relieve his stress, he said, “I’ll need to duck to the bathroom in just a minute.”

He was grateful that she understood his point without him having to spell it out.   _I’m going to go into the next room and jerk off while I think of you.  That’s probably not a conversation she ever wants to have._

He was shocked when she offered, “Wouldn’t you be more comfortable on the bed?  I don’t mind.”

If his face in the dark could have reflected the incredulity he felt, it would have explained her reaction.  “What? Just because I’m not ready to go further doesn’t mean that I’m not-” She cut herself off.

He leaned over and turned on his lamp.  The light had them both blinking in brief discomfort but he needed to see her face.  “Rey? Are you really Ok with this?”

“Yes… if you are…”  

Relief and returning arousal flooded through him.  He leaned carefully off the side of the bed and opened his nightstand drawer.  Groping for his lotion and the box of tissues, he leaned back to set them both on the top next to the lamp.  

When he turned back to her, he realized that she was watching him intently.  He could feel his cheeks and neck flush in reaction. Force of habit had him pulling several tissues from the box and laying them on his lower abs.  He freed his cock and pumped some lotion into his hand.

When he leaned back and started warming the lotion, Rey leaned back on the pillow beside him.  She rested her head against his left arm before checking, “Is this OK?”

“Yeah.” He was surprised at how low and desperate his voice sounded.  With his right hand, he rubbed the lotion around just below the sensitive head.   _This won’t take long.  I hope she doesn’t take it as an indicator of future performance._

Just as he began a more solid grip, he felt light caresses send tingles through his sensitive nipples.  Involuntarily, he groaned and thrust up into his own fist. Blissfully, she started alternating that feather light touch with a firmer one.  “Yes, oh, just like that!” She smiled happily at his encouragement. _So beautiful.  So so beautiful._

He gripped harder and moved faster, getting lost in the moment and sensations again.  He was staring at her when she leaned up to him. Her kiss was less urgent than earlier, warm and languid.  

Desperate to keep his mind in the here and now, he focused all his attention on his senses; the sight of Rey’s freckles in lamplight; the taste of her mouth; the smell of shampoo and sweat and sex.  He felt the blood flow, tingling and overwhelming pleasure concentrated beneath his hand. He could hear his own heart beat pounding in his ears.

He moved his hand ever faster, chasing bliss. His testicles drew up.  Blood engorged his cock even further. He broke the kiss and groaned loudly just as the cord snapped and all tension left him.

Hazy and panting, he caught her left hand from where it lay on his chest and kissed it tenderly.  She settled back onto his pillow with a look of tenderness that had him swallow hard. They lay quietly for a few moments and gazed at each other.

When the moment seemed to have passed, he used his tissues to clean himself up.  Once he’d made sure they hit the waste basket, he straightened his clothes and turned off the lamp.  

They settled back into the blankets and each other.  Ben kissed her hand again and rested it on his stomach where he could twine his fingers with hers.  

In the dark he whispered, “Rey?”

“Hmm?” was her sleepy response.

In lieu of speech, he kissed her gently.  As he lay his head back on the pillow they shared, his aborted words echoed in his head.   _I love you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question to you, dear readers: What do you think is really going on in Ben's psyche?


	15. Profile of a Family

Luke opened the door to his office and smiled in welcome at his old friend.  "Amylin." He greeted while shaking her hand warmly. "We could have met for dinner instead of at my office.  I'd have been able to make time for you sooner outside of normal hours."

"Today worked fine for me." She stepped further into the small private office and sat in the more comfortable of the two chairs he kept off to the side of his desk.

With a grunt that might have been a laugh, Luke eyed the chair he'd been meaning to discard for months.  He walked over to the other side of his desk and wrangled his chair from behind it so that he could join her.  Settling in, he took in the tension in her posture and the presence of a thick banded folio.

"Should I assume that this isn't a social call?"  he asked. "Human trafficking cases don't usually consult a profiler, but I'll do what I can."

"This time it's not a simple trafficking case, and you're not just any profiler."  She fidgeted with the folio but didn't open it. "Before we start, I need to emphasize the importance of confidentiality, even within your department.  There are a lot of reasons that I came to you with this but also a lot of reasons why I almost didn't."

"Amylin, we've been colleagues for 2 decades and friends even longer." He sighed.  "Based on my observations of your behavior and demeanor, what you're bringing to me are things that I won't like to hear.  You scheduled this meeting so that we could meet in my office during working hours, so you wanted to make sure that everything was clearly official and above board.  That suggests that this case is a big one that is making you careful." He paused to give her some silence to fill, but she still hesitated. It made him nervous in a way that few things could anymore.

Finally, she removed the band from her folder and opened it.  When she laid out four photos onto his little side table, he let out the breath he hadn't even been aware of holding.  To his relief, he didn't recognize them.

"A little over three weeks ago, Lauren Alvarado, Rose Tico, Rey Johnson, and Martin Reynolds were waiting outside a bus station for the ticket office to open."  She pointed to each photo in turn. "At approximately 3AM, a man arrived giving away lemonade and sandwiches. The drugs laced into them killed Martin Reynolds outright.  He received a heavy dose. The three women were bound, loaded into the back of a minivan, and driven east.

Rey Johnson was apparently not completely unconscious.  She managed to rouse and free Rose Tico who dove from the van when it slowed to make a turn."

"I take it she's your primary witness?"  Absently, Luke longed for the days that a story like this would shock him.

"Yes,"  Amylin nodded.  "She gave us enough information to identify the victims.  More importantly, we were able to narrow down the perpetrator.  Thankfully redheaded serial kidnappers are a rarity." She paused again, and Luke braced himself for whatever bombshell she was dreading dropping on him.

"We believe that Armitage Hux, son to Brendol Hux and known associate to Anthony Snoke, was the perpetrator in this aggravated kidnapping."  He tried not to flinch at her words but wasn't sure that he was successful.

"It gets worse.” He held his breath while she continued.  “ Luke, we had Hux under surveillance and tracked him to the home of a madame named Isabelle Phasma.  During that stakeout, we photographed a man that fits a description I got from the organized crime division of an enforcer named Kylo Ren."  With obvious trepidation, she laid another photo across the pictures of the victims.

"Ben." His nephew’s name came out as a sigh of defeat.  "When he fell off the grid after he failed his CPA exam, I hoped that he'd joined a cult or gone off to some hippie commune somewhere to grow hemp."  He closed his eyes, trying not to imagine Leia's heartache. "Not this... Anything but this..."

Amylin sat quietly while he processed this new information.  When the old ember of anger against his sister's son flickered, he deliberately fed and fanned it.  Righteous indignation had served him well in the past. It would help focus him this time too.

"I wish I could say that the idea of Ben turning his back on this family's tradition of law enforcement and public service was absurd, but he resents all of us because of what happened after his psychotic break when he was a boy.” _Me especially because I was never willing to humor his delusions._  Luke curled his fingers into a loose fist.  He knew he was venting, but it felt good, cathartic somehow.  "He was never willing to see what we did for him. Han gave up a promising career to protect him.  Leia took a leave of absence to keep him from ending up in some hospital when he refused to sleep. Hell, even you and I took shifts with him when Han and Chewie left for their first long haul drive.

Once he got to college, he made it clear than none of that meant anything to him.  I knew he'd chosen a path that diverged widely from ours, but..."

"I didn't bring you this to stir up old hurts and anger."  Amylin looked down at the photos. "Something about all this doesn't fit.  I need a profile of Hux and Snoke, but I couldn't take it to someone else without exposing Ben."  She brushed a fingertip over Ben's face in the photo. "He's still my godson."

Luke settled a consoling hand on her shoulder.  "You called Ben an enforcer, but that seems unlikely.  CPA or not, he's got a Masters from Boston College. I doubt Snoke would ignore that potential.  Brutes are a lot easier to buy and hold onto than a highly qualified accountant."

She tilted her head toward him.  "I hope you're right. I won't be able to keep this quiet for much more than a day.  I can't... Not without risking everyone that they've stolen and sold."

"Leia wouldn't want that.  Not even to protect Ben," he reassured her.

"I know, but it will still break her heart.”  Amylin made a quick decision. “Luke, come to dinner with Leia and me this Sunday.  Please." Her voice was low but firm. "She needs you."

"She doesn't need me." He scoffed.  "I'm part of the reason that Ben is in this mess.  If I hadn't pressed him so hard about joining the Bureau..."

"Ben is a grown man, and he made his own decisions both to join that horrible man and to cut his family out of his life," she disputed.  "You can't fix him, but you can be there for your sister."

When he avoided her gaze, she kept on with her plea.  "She's lost Ben and Han. Chewie and I are hardly fit substitutes for her brother. For her twin."

"We don't know that Han is dead." His protest came out like a desperate denial even to his own ears.  "They've never found a body, and this wouldn't be the longest he's been gone."

_He's never gone this long without getting in touch, though.  Even after the divorce, he couldn't stay away from Leia for long._   Sometimes Luke hated his inner voice.

"Leia believes that he's dead.  She's accepted it." Amylin was obviously trying to be gentle but honest.  It was something she'd always been good at. "Please, Luke. She needs you, and you need her.  Don't punish her because you're angry at Ben and yourself." She reached to grasp his hand. He looked down at the lines and veins in their aging skin as she whispered.  "It's time to come home."


	16. Myths and Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope this doesn't read like a visit from the exposition fairy...

Rey focused on shaking the covered pot back and forth so that the popcorn kernels would pop as evenly as possible.  The ghee was melted in the bottom of their chosen popcorn bowl with more in the microwave for when she shook it. She paid little attention to Ben sifting through Netflix for a movie.

Ben felt something twist as he saw “Bloodline - a modern history of curses” in the _Watch It Again_ list.  As much as he loved the Myths & Legends series, he’d never been able to bring himself to watch this documentary since it felt a little too close to home.  “Do you believe in curses?” he asked as she came around the couch with their popcorn.

“Where on earth did that come from?” She laughed a little.  At his gesture, she glanced at the screen and saw her watch history from the past few days.  Deflecting a little, she responded. “I also watched one on the Lochness Monster.”

He gave her that too perceptive look she had come to recognize.  “This makes you uncomfortable?”

“The idea of bloodline curses has always been a little frightening to me.  I have no clue who my family was. For all I know, I could have inherited something horrible.”  She sighed and curled her legs under her. “Most people in the UK consider it all silly superstition anymore, but there are still private adoption companies that screen for curses before they’ll accept a child for one of their couples.  Needless to say, that limited my prospects.”

Ben plucked a few popcorn kernels from the bowl but didn’t eat them.  “To be honest, it doesn’t take a situation like yours to not know.”

“What do you mean?”

“My grandfather died when my dad was 9.  At what age do you tell a kid that their family is cursed?”  Rey took the loose popcorn kernels from him and set them on a napkin on the coffee table.  

“Tell me what you’re really trying to say.”  She had learned to be direct with him when he was in this mood.

“My dad had only been a police officer for a few years when he responded to a report of screams and shouting at a residence.  He and his partner went through the door and found Brendol Hux covered in gore and holding a crying baby. Dad had no way to know that taking a life would doom him to be haunted by a ghost.”  He reached for her hand, almost reflexively.

“Thing was, Hux could appear to anyone with his blood.  At first my dad tried to hold it together but…” He sighed.  “When I first started acting weird, my mother must have figured that I was reacting to my dad’s behavior.  Her brother insisted that Dad had PTSD, after all ‘A man of science doesn’t believe in that nonsense.’” Rey set the bowl of popcorn on the table and ducked under his arm so that she could hold him.

“You mean the criminal that you have nightmares about was a ghost?”  She wasn’t sure whether to believe him or not, but she knew even without feeling it that he believed what he was telling her.

He nodded. “Eventually, my mother started digging into the Solo family.  According to the papers, my great-grandfather hit a kid with his car and killed him.  Initially he was charged with manslaughter, but the jury found him Not Guilty. The boy’s mother was enraged.  She was dragged screaming from the courtroom, ‘You’ll never be free of the blood on your hands. You’ll see my boy’s ghost and always remember what you did!’ At least, that’s what the paper said she said.”  He held her a little tighter.

“My mom and dad tried a lot of things to get rid of Hux.  Finally what stuck, my dad told me much later, was finding a therapist that was willing to manipulate his memory.”  Rey leaned back to look at him.

“You mean like those fake repressed memories?”  She frowned when he nodded. “It’s clever but hardly ethical.”

Ben’s laugh was humorless. “He wasn’t worried about ethics at that point.  He just wanted us to have some peace. The bastard was able to torment us for over a year.  Even with the therapist's help, it took months for the new memories to stick.” Ben pulled her close and held her.  When she settled into his arms, he felt the tension from his memories slowly fade.

This was his favorite part of their relationship.  It was even more precious to him than their growing physical intimacy or having someone to come home to.  She was always such a comfort to him when he needed her. He was learning to do the same, but she was a natural at it.

 

His confession left her whirling, and for the first time in years, she felt the urge to confess her own secret. Could she trust him with the knowledge that she was so very different?  A part of her knew that this wouldn’t be what would make him turn his back on her. She leaned back to see his face, carefully balancing on his knees. _Now that i’ve made up my mind, I don’t know where to start._

“What’s wrong?” He frowned a little and ran one hand up her spine.

“The documentary mentioned… people that have unusual abilities.  They think that that’s the difference between curses that take and ones that don’t.”  Ben nodded encouragingly. “That part really stuck with me because… I can feel what other people feel.”

She could tell even without her ability that he didn’t understand what she was trying to say.  She cupped his cheek in one hand. “Ben, I know I’ve confused you, but I can sense other people's emotions.  I’ve been able to do it as long as I can remember.”

She could feel the flickers of turmoil as he tried to process what she was saying.  “When I was a child I would use my ability almost instinctively. I didn’t realize until I was in my second group home that most people couldn’t tell when someone meant them harm.

I tried to keep the younger kids safe.  Some the older children could be vicious, and the homes were usually understaffed.  As an adult, I understand that they were just perpetuating the cycle of their own abuse, but, at the time, I only knew to keep myself and my friends out the way of their maliciousness.”  She looked down at his collar, tracing the pattern of his shirt with her gaze. “One of my friends tried to get me to teach her so that she would feel safer, but I didn’t even know where to begin. That’s when I knew that I was different.”  Her voice faded away, and she seemed to get lost in her memories for a moment.

 

He was trying to wrangle the questions her story left him with.  A part of him, the logical side that his uncle had always tried to foster, wanted to test her; seek some empirical proof.  Another part of him thought, _Haven’t I been curious?  Doesn’t she always seem to know what I’m going through?_

It made him feel a little sick to realize that what he’d thought was some deep connection might be one of those random human mysteries instead.  He hated to ask her, but he had to know. “Rey, if you know what I feel, does that… impact how you respond to me?” He held his breath as he waited.

“Sometimes…”  He let out rush of air like she’d punched him.  Desperate to leave this conversation, he put his hands on her hips to lift her from his lap.

“Don’t!” He stilled at her sharp rebuke.  “Don’t react to what you think I’m going to say.  Hear me out.”

He settled back against the couch cushions but couldn’t make himself relax.  Still in avoidance mode, he let his gaze drift to his hands, still resting on her hips.

“When you have a nightmare,” He met her eyes in surprise.   _Nightmares?  That’s not where I expected this to go._ “I feel your pain and terror so deeply that I have to get you out of it, to give you peace.”  She stroked his temple gently. “I couldn’t bear to leave you in such distress.”

He nodded.   _I can accept that.  I’ve certainly benefited from it._

“When you come home in a terrible mood…” He smiled a little, both in acknowledgement of his moodiness and at the sound of her calling it _home._ “I ignore it, and you, until you get yourself out of it.”

“I’d noticed that some days you take a book to the bedroom when I’m grouchy.” He was finding it easier to be open to what she was telling him.

“I know it’s healthier if I don’t always try to fix you, and I trust you not to take your bad day out on me.”  He sighed a little. _Trust? Trust is good._

“And when we’re… more intimate…” Ben held his breath, waiting.

“When we’re more intimate,”  She leaned forward to brush the softest of kisses against his lips.  “I can feel that you’re aroused… that you want me, but feeling your want can’t make me want you back.”

He let out his breath slowly.  “So, if you weren’t actually interested…”

“I wouldn’t reciprocate.”  She smiled gently. She slid forward on his lap and began to play with his hair.

Deciding to push his luck just a little farther, Ben asked a question he’d been dreading the answer to.  “So, you’ve said before that you trust me not to push you into something physical that you don’t want.”

She nodded and hummed in assent, while her fingers trailed down the back of his neck, leaving fluttering sensations in their wake.

“Now you’ve said that you trust me not take my bad moods out on you…”  He trailed off and hesitated before continuing. “Is there anything that you don’t trust me with?”

He found himself wishing he had her ability as he tried to interpret her little frown and sigh.  “Of course there are, Ben.” Her tone was so matter-of-fact that he couldn’t tell if he should be offended or not.  “But is that really what you want to talk about while I’m sitting on your lap?”

Her flirty question and mischievous smirk surprised him.  “No. No, I guess not.” He couldn’t help but smile a little.

As he drew her closer for a kiss, the optimistic side of his brain, long quiet, whispered, _and she trusts you enough to be honest._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it's clear. I envision curses in their world to be a bit like any other superstition or supernatural occurrence. If that were the case, there would be SO MANY SHOWS on Netflix about it.


	17. Years of Solitude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Credit to Flood: Years of Solitude By: Dionisio D. Martinez for the chapter title and helping me sum up Leia’s mindset in the first paragraph.  
> https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/49175/flood-years-of-solitude

It was nights like this that Leia felt the most lonely.  She’d almost bought a second ticket and second place, but she didn’t want anyone’s pity.  Han’s place at the table was always set at home. She carefully stabbed a perfectly roasted lemon rosemary potato and glanced around the elegant room full of people.  All of the faces that she could see from her place of honor were familiar ones.

There was Kaydel Connix laughing with her long time beau Poe Dameron.   _She may seem elegant and charming right now, but she’s a fierce litigator in family court._ Leia thought with admiration.

On the other side of the room, Reginald Ackbar leaned in to speak to Mary D’Acy, the head of the largest network of women’s shelters on the east coast.   _I’m so grateful she’s in remission.  It would be a horrid loss to us all if…_

Leia’s reverie was broken when the door at the back of the ballroom opened to let in two late arrivals.  She blinked back a tear as she saw Amylin entering on the arm of her brother. _They made it._  With a sigh, she rebuked her greedy heart.   _You have friends and family gathered to make this night special.  Don’t think about who’s missing. Enjoy what you have._

She smiled when her brother caught her eye, and she mouthed “You’re late.”

He just smiled back and held Amylin’s chair for her, ever the gentleman.

 

When the dinner plates were cleared, Tallie Lintra took the podium.  It was alway amazing to see one of her young charges looking so poised and grown up.   _How long has it been since I first saw you, bruised and rail thin… so in need of someone to build you up?_   The young blond straightened her notecards and glanced around the room.

“10 years ago, I could never have imagined myself standing before you.  I had been told all my life that I was worthless, that no one would ever want to hear what I had to say.”  Her voice choked a little, and she swallowed. “Well we are here tonight to honor the woman that first taught me differently.”

With a perfectly timed pause, she turned toward Leia and smiled.  “To the rest of the world, she may only be a face in the crowd, but those of us here tonight know her as a humanitarian, a leader, a role model, and a friend.”  She waited for the applause to die down. “And that is why it is my great honor to present this award marking a lifetime service for the women and children all over our nation that, like me, were abused by people that should have loved us best. Over the past 20 years, her foundation has organized legal counsel, education and job training, housing, and emotional support for thousands of victims of domestic violence.  Leia, please, join me at the podium.”

The tears at the corners of her eyes were bittersweet she walked up and hugged Tallie.   _How could so many years pass so quickly?_

Once the applause faded a bit, she drew a breath and began to speak.  “I almost declined this award when I was first told about it. Afterall, there have been so many people that have made protecting and providing for the vulnerable their life’s work.

Just in this room, we have Mary D’Acy.  My longtime friend has provided safe shelter to over 5,000 vulnerable people over the past 15 years.”  She paused to let Mary wave.

“We have Maz Kanata, whose network of pop-up kitchens serves 3,000 meals a year.”  

Leia joined in the laughter as Maz yelled back “3,459 last year!”

“We even have Lor San Tekka, who took my father’s place at the helm of Growing Good Men - a foundation that provides shelter and education for the teenage boys that flee violent homes.”

She paused again, waiting for the room to credit the other people that had been considered for the award.

“But the real reason, that I almost declined this award, is that there is so much left to do.  Every day, women and men, boys and girls, are living in fear. Whether that fear comes from the abuse of another family member or the domination of a modern slave owner.  And so I accept this award with humility, knowing how many more people there are out there that are trapped, afraid and seemingly without choices.

I don’t see this award as a culmination of my life’s work but a waypoint in my journey. In another 20 years, I want people to be able to say of me, ‘When we looked out into the darkness, we saw her light and had hope’.  Thank you very much.”

As she stepped back from podium to the sound of applause, she felt static build to her right, and just for a second, Han was there.

 

It was late that night when he watched her putter around what used to be their bedroom.  Somehow the gray in her hair and the time worn into her face only made her more beautiful to him.   _Proof that love and lust are mental.  I’d give anything to be able to touch her again._

Han shook himself out of that hopeless thought.  He’d never been great with emotions.

When Leia stumbled a bit, he laughed to himself.   _Everyone had wanted to toast with the guest of honor.  Guess she’s still a little tipsy._ Drawing energy to himself, he appeared in his old chair just as she set her herbal tea on their side table of their sitting area.  The way she smiled told him she’d been expecting him.

“Hello, sweetheart.”  He kept his voice low out of habit.

“Han,” She managed to thread that syllable with a lifetime of love; he would never get tired of the way she said his name.  “You know I would think that a man that has always hated charity dinners would take his excuse not to show up.”

He laughed as she’d meant him to.  “It’s not every decade that I get to see Luke in a monkey suit.”

The silence as she sipped her tea was comfortable, but he knew that he didn’t have much time to enjoy it.  Whatever energy was keeping him here was always faintest near her. Before he could decide what he wanted to say, she took a breath to speak.

“I missed you tonight, Han.” Those beautiful eyes met his as she continued. “I always miss you.”  She sipped her tea. “But tonight was hard.”

“Yeah.” He looked down at her hands.  “I’m proud of you, princess. Lots of people that grew up with your privilege pay lip service to helping people, but you actually do it.  You’ve always done it.”

“Not without cost…”  She smiled wistfully.  “I believe that most of those costs were worth it… the sleepless nights, the constant travel, the threats and risks…  Those I fully believe were worth it for all the lives we’ve changed. But our marriage? And our son? Was that worth it?”

“You can’t carry the blame for that alone, sweetheart.  Last I checked, I was gone even more than you were. As for Ben, well… don’t give up on him yet.  He’s made some rotten choices, and he’ll have to pay the price for them. But when I see him; when I talk to him… He’s still our Ben.”

Leia sighed and her next words stabbed Han right through whatever a ghost could claim as his heart.  “I believe you’re right Han, but I worry about who he’ll hurt along the way. And what he’ll have to live with when he finally comes home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not much of a speech writer, but I hope I managed to capture some of Leia's voice.


	18. Agony and Ecstasy

Ben shuddered at the feel of static that usually preceded his father’s arrival.  While he was normally be grateful for the time that this haunting had given him, he knew that look, as any son did.  He dreaded the pointed words his father was bound to have for him. This was not a conversation he was ready to have.

“Don't you think this has gone on long enough?” Han Solo had never been one to mince words and being dead hadn't changed that.

“Hello, Dad.  How are you today?” Ben knew he sounded sullen, but he had never handled a dressing down well.

Clearly agitated, Han began pace.  “You've had that woman here for weeks now, but you've made no effort to find a way for her to go home.” His exasperation was clear, in his tone and in the way he walked through the corner of the coffee table without noticing.

“Dad, you know better than most what kind of people I work for.  She's better off here.” He sighed, a little wistful. “Maybe even content.”  

“You don't honestly believe that.”  He stopped before him, but Ben didn't look up from where he was slouching on the couch.  “Do you think that because you fix her breakfast and buy her gifts that changes what you've done?”

He crouched to be on eye level, ignoring the conflict between solid table and his apparition's form.  “Son, she isn't your guest or your girlfriend. She's your hostage, your prisoner.”. His voice broke a bit as he begged, “Please... Please, tell me you know the difference.”

Ben's head bowed under the weight of his father's disappointment and heartbreak.  There was nothing he could say in that moment that would mitigate the pain he’d caused.  Instead he simply sat, frozen, as the numbness and fantasies that had protected him from the reality of his recent actions shattered within him.  Anguish washed through him and the pain made his chest so tight he could barely breathe.  _  How could you let yourself imagine that this could keep going on and on?  Do you honestly think you can keep her isolated like this for the rest of your lives?   _ He felt the lies he had told himself fall away into self loathing.   _ How delusional can you be?  Jesus, Ben! You’re afraid to even let her go outside! _

He lost all sense of time as he sat, curled in on himself, just feeling the pain and guilt for everything he'd done.  He didn’t even notice when his father faded away. It was only the feel of a gentle hand on his shoulder that broke through his darkness.

“Ben?”  

He flinched at the sound of his name but couldn’t bring himself to turn away from her comfort.  Settling his hands on her hips, he drew her over to stand in front of him. Wordlessly, he leaned forward and rested his forehead on her soft, cotton covered abdomen.  Her warmth reassured him that for all his sins she didn't hate him, and he sat quietly in that position while she ran her fingers through his hair and stroked her hands along his shoulders tenderly.   _ Maybe, she cares for me despite everything I've done? Maybe, this part is at least real? _

 

Rey didn’t know what was causing him to hurt so desperately, but it had been strong enough to draw her from the bedroom where she’d been reading.  For all the intimacy that came with living together, there were so many things that she didn’t know about him. 

Wanting to comfort him, she kept the strokes of her hands slow.  After a moment, he pulled her closer, shifting from holding her hips with his hands to wrapping his arms around her and nestling the side of his face against her.  Still, he kept silent.

She wasn't sure how long they held that position, but the couch was digging into her shins and she began to feel as though she might overbalance.  Pulling away slightly, Rey reached behind herself and dragged the coffee table forward enough to perch on. 

Finally, he looked at her, and she was stunned to see that his eyes were dry.   _ Can someone hurt so much that tears refuse to come?  _   When she brushed her fingertips across his forehead and down his cheek, he leaned almost desperately into her touch as if he needed it for his very survival.

She leaned forward, balancing herself with her free hand on his knee.  His lips were warm and soft as she brushed them with her own, once and then again.  He let her kiss him but didn’t move to touch her back. Reaching into him, she felt his guilt and self-loathing.   _ It’s as if he believes that he doesn’t deserve my affection.   _ The thought made tears sting her eyes.

In that moment, she felt resolve grow solid within her.  She’d been trying so hard to find the perfect words or course of action to regain control of her life, but it was in the face of his brokenness that she felt like she finally understood that she needed to grasp happiness in this moment.   _ Time to stop always looking to future for my joy. _  The time for compartmentalizing and analyzing all the ways she did and didn’t trust this man, for rationalizing every moment between them after the fact, was over.

Standing up, she took Ben’s hand and drew him to his feet.  He looked bewildered, perhaps even lost. She kept hold of his hand and walked to their bedroom.  When they stood in front of the bed, she pulled her shirt up over her head.

“Rey!” His voice was low but clearly startled.  She pressed her finger to his lips to forestall any protest.

“You’ve always told me this would be my choice, my decision.”  She ran one hand behind his head to pull him towards her. “I’ve decided that I want to live in this moment. I want to make love with you.”

She angled her head slightly and pressed her parted lips to his.  When she swept her tongue along his bottom lip and into his mouth, it seemed to break his paralysis.  He crushed her against his chest and began to desperately kiss her back.

Through his undershirt, she felt the hard press of his muscles against her chest.  It shouldn’t have been more intense than snuggling on the couch or movie night, but it was nearly overwhelming.  She sucked his tongue into her mouth and tangled her fingers into his thick hair. Trusting that he wouldn’t let her fall, she wrapped one leg around his hips to enjoy the hot hard press of him against her core.  

He was just as overwhelmed by the flood of sensations and emotions as she was.  He broke their kiss, gasping for air, to clutch her even tighter and whisper brokenly in her ear.  “So beautiful… Please, promise me…” He groaned at the feel of her short nails lightly abrading his scalp.  “Please…”

Rey broke loose of their clinch and shoved him onto the bed, following down as he went.  She whispered breathlessly back to him, “Promise you what? Ben?”

He stared up at her, tears finally glazing his eyes.  “Promise me that you’re real? That this is real?”

She smiled and leaned down to him.  Instead of kissing him, she nipped his plush bottom lip.  “Does that feel real?”

She felt the flickers of his arousal breaking through his despair, but he was still watching her like she a mirage just about to disappear.  She looked for the weak spot in his thin worn cotton shirt and ripped it up his chest so that the tatters could hold on only at the shoulders.  “Did that sound real?”

She smiled wickedly, starting to enjoy her little game.  She leaned forward and pressed her nipple to his parted lips.  “Do I taste real?” 

With that, he broke and began to greedily suck.  The flood of sensation made her groan and begin to tremble as she tried to support her weight above him.   _ Maybe I need to do more planks. _

He rolled them both so that he hovered over her and latched on to her other nipple.  She arched her back in pleasure and clutched to his muscled shoulders. Misjudging her grasp, she accidently dug her nails in too deeply.  With an obscene pop, he pulled off her tit to look at her with a gentle smile. “I believe you, sweetheart.”

She laughed, happy to see that Ben was here with her instead of the dark place he'd gone.  He trailed his lips down her ribcage, leaving little sucking bites and kisses until he found a spot that made her arch up into his mouth and moan loudly.  When he began to mouth, kiss and nibble at that spot with focus, she dug her nails into the sheets. “Yes, oh God, yes, there!” 

He pulled back a little to look at her.  When she opened her eyes, breathing raggedly, he grinned wickedly.  “Good thing the neighbors are still traveling. They might have heard you.”

She almost growled at him when she dragged him up by the arm for another kiss.  This one was less greedy and desperate but no less passionate. He ran his tongue along hers, and they both enjoyed the duel that ensued.

 

That time, when he began exploring down her body, he bypassed her tits and kissed his way down to her belly button.  She giggled a little when he explored it with his tongue. His voice was rough with passion as he said. “You may be ticklish after all.”

He drew her pants down with him as he slid down to the end of the bed.  She smiled down at him when he met her eyes. “What do you think you’re doing all the way down there?”

His wicked laugh was arousing enough that she wasn’t self conscious when he placed her foot on his shoulder and began taking playful nips at her ankle.  His trail up her calf made her laugh and squirm a little as she tried not to anticipate what he would do next.  _ Just enjoy the journey, Rey. _

It was a shock when he pressed his lips to the back of her knee.  Her voice came out in a high warble, “Ben!”

He grinned up at her.  “Oh that’s fun! What other noises can you make?”

He went back to it and began to alternate sucks, licks and nips against her silken skin.  She kicked her free foot to try and get traction. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to get closer or further from the overwhelming magic of his mouth.  

Finally, he let up to let her breathe.  To her surprise, he was leaning across her torso with her calf still in his hand.  “Have I ever told you how sexy you are going through those yoga poses?”

“Get up here and kiss me.”  She was chuckling even when his lips met hers.

A few minutes later, she began fumbling at the button of his pants.  He pulled her hand to his and dropped light kisses on her fingertips.  “Did you want something, sweetheart?”

“A bit of equality…”  She pulled at his waistband for emphasis.  “You’re overdressed for this activity.”

He pressed one last kiss to her palm and then stood.  She’d often admired his sculpted chest in secret glances, but as he unbuttoned his trousers and let them fall to the ground she let herself drink him in.  When he stepped out of the pool of fabric on the floor and stepped back toward the bed, she protested. “You’re not naked.”

“Neither are you… Not completely.” 

She impatiently whipped her cotton panties off and threw them past his head.  When she laid back, he didn’t even try to be subtle about admiring her. “You are so beautiful.”

Still in his boxer briefs, he began crawling back onto the bed.  “Ben,” she heard the whine in her voice.

“In a minute, I promise.”  She gave him an exaggerated pout in response to being denied.  

He lay next to her and began trailing his fingers up and down along her inner thigh.  He was dropping kisses along her jaw when she turned her head and met his lips in a heated kiss.  

She kept her mouth occupied with his even as she felt his hand, patiently exploring, brush the short wiry curls between her legs.  She held the back of neck to keep him in place and widened her legs in invitation. His warm fingers gently explored until she tilted her hips toward him insistently.   _ Finally _ was all she could think when he pressed deeper into her slit and began to spread the warm moisture that had gathered there.  

To her frustration, he kept teasing.  His gentle touches followed along the sides and lips of her pussy without exploring toward her clit.  It felt good but was maddening because she knew how much better it could feel.

Breaking the kiss, she reached down and moved his hand to where she wanted it.  His grin of delight told her that this was not something he’d expected. “Stop tormenting me, Ben.”

“Oh darling, never.” Despite his words, he began to touch her in earnest.  She was so keyed up at the point that he had her panting and grinding against his hand within moments.  By the time he began to circle one finger around her entrance, she was arching her back and demandingly dragging his mouth to her nipple.

The stretch as he pressed in with his finger was a relieving one, like a good stretch after sitting for too long.  When she moaned his name, he went further and circled around inside to explore her walls. She knew he must have found what he was looking for when the bliss at her clit was joined by fantastic pressure.  

_ Yes, that!   _ Her groan of “More, Oh please Ben more” was rewarded by firmer and more rhythmic pressure against her g-spot.  She dug her feet into the mattress and used the leverage to press harder against his hand. By the time he added a second finger inside her, the coil of tension and pleasure was overwhelming.  He kept going, alternating the heel of his hand against her clit and the firm press of fingers inside. 

She clenched the sheet in her fists and arched her back so hard her ass didn’t even touch the bed anymore.  The mouth at her tit left her, and she knew he must have been watching her. She focused all her attention on what he was making her feel.  With a wordless cry, her inner muscles began clenching down on his fingers. The hard tension broke within her. After what felt like an eternity, she relaxed against the bed and remembered to breath.

 

When she finally became aware of her surroundings, she realized that she was wrapped in Ben’s arms.  He was whispering sweet nonsense and running his hand tenderly from her ribcage down to her thigh. She still wasn’t up for eloquence so she pressed her lips to his tenderly.  

He leaned back and brushed her hair from face.  His voice was husky when he asked, “Do you want some water?”

At her nod, he got up and walked from the room.  She was still drifting in her contentment when he came back.  It was stunning how thirsty she was, and she rapidly finished the entire glass.  He took it from her and set it down without ever looking away from her face. She could see the question in his eyes.

She leaned back against the pillows again and stretched her hand in invitation.  “I think it’s time you take those boxers off. Unless you want me to beg?”

He chuckled.  “Maybe next time.”

WIth a quick motion, he’d cast aside that last barrier and crawled back on the bed next to her.  She could feel his hard cock against her hip. It was hot, but the skin felt soft. Much as she wanted to explore him, she was impatient to have him inside her.   _ Next time,  _ she promised herself.  

She grabbed his arm and tried to drag him on top of her.  He didn’t cooperate, and she would never manage to move him on her own power.  “Ben.” She was a little exasperated with him.

He rolled to his back and tugged her up to straddle his waist.  “Like this, Rey. So that you can control the pace.”

A frown flickered across her brow.  “I read that on top can make the first time hurt more?”

“Oh, sweetheart.  Sex should never hurt.  If anything we do hurts you, you have to stop me.”

“But...”  He pressed his index finger to her lips.

“I’m not some overeager 17 year old trying to finish before we get caught.”  He threaded his fingers through her hair and drew her down for a kiss. “The one thing I want, more than anything else, is to make you feel good.”  He nibbled just a bit on her earlobe, then whispered. “When you whimper, and shake, and moan my name; you make me feel like a sex-god. Don’t you want me to feel like a sex-god?”

She threw her head back a little as she laughed.  It turned into a moan when he leaned and caught her nipple in his mouth.  She lifted her hips and moved back to settle on his pelvis. 

The feel of his cock slotted between the lips of her pussy was stunning.  If his fingers had felt good against her clit, this was other worldly. It was hot and thick.  She swore she could feel his blood pulsing between her legs.

She was still so wet that, when she began to grind against him, the movements were audible.  She didn’t care.  _ I thought that orgasm meant it would take me awhile to get back to that point, but I feel more like I got dropped at the halfway point of a full marathon.   _ She reached for his feelings and was overwhelmed by the waves of arousal and tenderness that he was experiencing.   __

Wanting more, she used her hand on his shoulder to balance and lifted to reposition his cock.  He met her eyes, and she held his gaze as she slowly lowered herself onto him. Halfway, she rocked up a little and the change in friction made him groan.  She lowered a little more, then did it again.

He grinned at her, almost proudly.  “Are you meaning to be a tease?”

Coyly, she replied.  “Maybe”

“Good”

At that, she pressed herself all the way down. His sigh of relief made her smile.   _ May as well experiment a little.   _ She clenched down on his length the way they said to in magazines, thinking to tease him more.  The pleasure that went through her sent her leaning forward against him for support.

She leaned back again and then ground her clit against his pelvis.  Abandoning her plan to torment him, Rey began to chase her own delight.  She rocked and ground on him, varying that with half thrusts that dragged against her g-spot.

Moving faster, she clenched down on him again.  He grabbed her hips in his big warm hands and began guiding her rhythm.  She scraped her nails lightly on his nipples, and he thrust hard up into her.  

His eyes were clenched shut, and his lips were parted.  His breath came out with little vocalizations of pleasure and effort.  She could tell she was getting close and wondered if he would come with her this time.  Just as the thought occurred, she felt him get impossibly harder and thicker within her.  The sensation drove her over the edge, and he gasped her name as he followed.


	19. Mother, Sons, and Manipulators

The dishwasher was running, and the sunset cast a slight orange glow to the kitchen.  Rey and Ben were still sitting at the kitchen bar even though they’d finished cleaning up from dinner.  He kept his eyes on her as he offered, “Since it’s supposed to be nice tomorrow, I thought we could pack a picnic and take it up to the roof?”

He felt a pang of guilt when her eyes lit up at the prospect.   _It’s been weeks since she’s been outside.  You’re a coward, Ben Solo._

“That sounds lovely.”  When she reached to brush his hand with hers, he saw a frown flicker on her brow.  For her sake, he made himself address their situation. He couldn’t live in the fantasy anymore.  

“Rey, I know that keeping you here forever isn’t sustainable.”  He sighed heavily. “I’m sorry that I haven’t found a better way for you to be safe.”

“Tell me about him.. About Snoke, I mean.”  His heart started pounding in chest. “Ben, why are you so afraid of him?  How did you even end up in this mess?”

“I was fresh out of college working for a major financial management firm when I first met him.”  He took a bracing sip of his wine. “It was unheard of for a client with his assets to take interest in a junior accountant like me, but he invited me to lunch.  

Needless to say, I was flattered.  He told me how much he admired the detailed and analytical nature of my work.  He made an effort to set himself up as a mentor to me.”

Rey was listened intently and only hummed when he paused.

“It was nice to be complimented for my work.  My uncle was constantly on my case to go into forensic accounting.  My mother wanted me to work for her non-profit. Everyone had an opinion about what I should do.”  He sighed and fidgeted with his empty glass.

“I started putting in extra hours on Snoke’s accounts.  I wanted to impress him. When I found evidence that someone was skimming from one of his businesses… One of his legitimate businesses, as it turned out…  I took the information straight to him instead of going through the partner that actually managed the account.

I’m sure that, initially, he’d reached out to me because he recognized my name. Brendol Hux had been his partner, though I didn’t know their association at the time.”  Rey reached out to grab his hand at that. He squeezed it in thanks.

“I think it was once I had made myself so very useful that he decided to cultivate me for my skills.  He started telling me what a shame it was that my employment was contingent on the CPA exam. He said that he thought it was travesty since I had so much more talent than my colleagues.  He even told me he’d requested that I be dedicated to his accounts in the future. It was all very flattering.”

Rey met his eyes.  “None of this sounds like a reason for you to fear this man.  What else happened?”

“The day before I was take part one of my test, my apartment got broken into.  Nothing was damaged or taken, but a set of photos were on my coffee table.” She looked around a little panicked and he hastened to reassure her, “It wasn’t this apartment, sweetheart.”

“I know it’s silly.”  She sighed. “Your associates have proven they can find us here without issue.”

Ben rose and went to the kitchen.  As he poured the last of the wine into their glasses, he tried to communicate how those days had really felt for him.  “That first set of photos were all of public spaces. The front entrance of my office, my favorite gym, and the outside of my girlfriend’s apartment...  Each one was smeared with some kind of black stinking grime. I didn’t understand the reason and had no clue who would do it, but it was unnerving. Needless to say, I didn’t do well on my test.”

He turned and began digging in a drawer.  When he found what he was looking for, he walked back over to her.  “So there I was, on probation with my employer, scared and stressed about being stalked…  I was on edge. My work quality suffered. My girlfriend broke things off. Snoke was the only stabilizing relationship I had right then.”

He handed her the manilla envelope in his hand and waited for her to open it.  As she spread them out on the bar, he tried to see what she saw. _Dark still shots of the inside of a house, obviously take with a long range zoom lense… taken at night… in secret._

“Ben, who is this woman?”  She sounded confused and worried, for him most likely.

“That’s my mom.”  He pointed at a picture of her locking her door.  He knew that the picture had been taken from the backyard.  He could tell from the angle.

He pointed at another picture of his mom laughing on the phone.  “I never could figure out how the photographer got this view of her office.”

She looked at the last one with an unspoken question.  “My mom and dad dancing in the kitchen. One of the many times that they almost got back together...”

“Why did you keep them?”  She asked softly, almost tentative.

“I know they represent threats.  They scared me so much when I got them, but… they’re the most recent photos I have.”

He took a breath and continued.  “I tried to go to my uncle with the first break in, but he wouldn’t listen to me.  I probably should have gone to the police, but I had no proof that anyone had broken in or done anything wrong. By the time I started getting these,” He tapped the photos for emphasis.  “Snoke had already made me a job offer, and it was apparent that my job at the firm was going nowhere.”

He couldn’t meet her eyes.   _It all sounds so inconsequential when I say it out loud.  A few photos and some job stress and I go straight into racketeering and conspiracy to commit countless felonies._

Determined to finish the story, he told her “I took the pictures with me to a lunch with Snoke.  I thought for sure he would have some connections that could help me get to bottom of it.” He paused a moment.  “Instead… I don’t remember what he said to me, but I walked away from that lunch convinced that the best thing I could do for everyone, including myself, was cut ties to that life and start over.”

“Did your parents ever find out about the threats?”  

“My dad knows now.”  He laughed humorlessly.  “Mom… Well… Mom’s been getting death threats for years.  I doubt she would care about a few more.”

Her brows shot up in surprise.  “Why does your mother get so many threats?”

He could feel a hint of pride in the smile on his face.  “My mother is a true hero… a defender of the innocent, you might say.”  Remembering the video her foundation had posted a the other day, he brushed a kiss to her forehead as he rose. “I’ll show you.”

 

As Ben grabbed his laptop and set it up on the bar in front of her, Rey was still processing his story.  Everything he’d said had come with such a wealth of feeling that it was a relief to have a little distraction.  He launched a YouTube video from his previously watched list and looked off down the hall.

“I’m going to go the loo.”  He said.

She forced a laugh, as she was supposed to at his bad impression of her turn of phrase.  As soon as he was out of sight, she could feel her heart begin to slam in her chest. She heard the door to half bath click and the vent fan turn on.  

_He's never let me touch his computer before.  Did he mean to leave me this chance to reach for help?  What should I do?_

She didn’t freeze for long.   _Ben said it himself, we can’t live this way forever._ Quickly, she minimized that window and opened an incognito tab.  She logged into her webmail and froze in indecision for a moment.  There were so few people in her old life. Who could she trust? _Baz!  I’ll try Baz!_

 

* * *

 

To: [ Bazine.Netal@NetalPublications.com ](mailto:Bazine.Netal@NetalPublications.com)

 

Baz

I know this will sound crazy, but I was kidnapped the night I left your home.  It’s all been absolutely mad, and I know this sounds like one of those crazy internet hoaxes.  

 

* * *

 

Rey stopped, breathing heavily.  She tried desperately to find the right words even while she felt the urgency of the moment.   _I've always been terrible at timed exams!_

* * *

 

Please contact the authorities.  I'm just so very afraid that no one is looking for me.

 

Rey

* * *

 

She signed her name and quickly hit send.  She could still hear the vent running but worried that she'd run out of time.   _Who should I reach out to?  I don't dare take long._

Ben's mother's speech was still playing in the background as she spoke about people's accomplishments and good works.  

Struck by inspiration, she pulled the video up on her own YouTube account and began to leave a comment.  She barely had time to think of what to say so she wrote quickly and submitted it just as she heard the door to the bathroom open.  Quickly closing everything, she maximized the video and took a sip of wine to mask her shaking hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I managed to convey a sense of urgency with the last part of the chapter without it feeling rushed...


	20. All in a Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went back and tweaked the last chapter to clarify that it took place a few days after the prior two. I do keep the timeline deliberately vague, but I think that helps since the pace is picking up.

Leia eyed the woman pacing in the small, nondescript reception area.  Any other day, she might have been a confident professional woman. Today, she telegraphed anxious worry.  Her expression was one Leia had seen on the faces of victim's families many times.

Her natural instinct was to help, and she found herself reaching out.  “You'll wear out the soles of your shoes, pacing like that.” Leia kept her smile gentle and her body language open as she spoke.

The woman turned back to her.  “You're probably right.” She sighed and walked over to take the other other empty seat.  “I'm not used to feeling helpless. I don't handle it well.”

Sensing common ground, Leia replied.  “I understand that very well.”. She held out her hand.  “I'm Leia. Leia Organa.”

“Bazine Netal.”. They shook hands cordially, but it was obvious that her new acquaintance was still distracted.

“I hope I'm not being too intrusive, but I work with an organization that provides resources for victims of domestic violence.  It seems that you're quite worried about something or perhaps someone?” She watched the woman's face for signs of truth or resistance.

“A… friend of mine…” Leia registered the hesitance in categorizing the person as well as the guilt that she looked at her lap to hide.  “She was-” She cut herself off as the door opened to let Amylin into the room.

Both women rose, but Bazine spoke and moved with urgency.  “Agent Holdo! I had an email from Rey last night.”

Leia caught the name. “Rey? Is your friend's name Rey Johnson?”

Amylin looked back and forth between the women.  “I think you should both join me in my office.”

* * *

 

The office was unnaturally quiet as the two men eyed each other over the chess board.  They both knew that the game was only an excuse to weigh each other for motivations and advantage.  Hux knew to be cautious with Anthony Snoke. He hadn’t lasted several decades in a dangerous world without skill and strategy.  

It had made him anxious to wait for his regular meeting with Snoke before attempting to regain custody of the girl, but he didn’t dare tip his hand.   _Now I just have to find a way for Solo to enter the conversation._

“Tell me Armitage” The malevolent hiss of Snoke’s voice broke the silence.  “Do you think Madame Phasma is sufficiently committed to our business strategy?”  He reached for a piece on the board and made a move.

This wasn’t quite the in he wanted, but he tried not to let anything show.  “I think we could increase volume flowing through her whorehouse without any issue, but she’s not showing any real initiative toward that end.”  He thought a minute. _Maybe I can work with this._  “The last truly creative idea she had was when I brought her in a virgin that she thought to auction off.  She ended up selling the girl outright to Ren instead.” Distractedly, he moved his own piece, taking a pawn.

“Ah yes, Knight has told me all about Kylo’s little pet.”  He smiled as though something pleased him. It was a chilling expression.

“Sir, does it concern you that this girl might be able to gain access to damaging information by living with him?  She struck Phasma as clever, and you’ve always made efforts to keep Ren isolated in the past. I got the sense that you didn’t trust him.”  Hux’s heart pounded in his chest as he tried to keep his agitation from showing.

“I don’t trust anyone, Armitage.”  The statement was made without any inflection, but somehow it made him feel threatened.  He barely noticed when Snoke took his remaining bishop.

“Of course… I just worry that his lenient attitude could allow this girl to escape and expose us.”  He considered whether to press his advantage in the conversation and almost forgot to take his turn in the game.

“Ah Armitage, why does a parent buy their child a toy?”  His voice was sly as he leaned back, suddenly paying Hux all his attention.  

“I don’t know, sir.” The question made him frown.   _What’s the old man getting at now?_

“So they have something to take away as punishment, of course.”  His tone was patronizing as he leaned forward to make another move.

“The boy’s attachment to his little pet suits me quite well because it gives me leverage.”  He sighed, seemingly disappointed. “What I find unusual is you taking any interest in him at all?”

Anxiety washed through Hux, leaving his skin cold even as he felt sweat trickle down his brow.  “Sir?” He tried to seem unaffected by this turn in the conversation, but his hand shook a little as he made his next move.

“Your antipathy toward my accountant is well known.  But suddenly you are taking an interest in his affairs.” Snoke leaned forward with his eyes intently on him.  “Why is that?”

* * *

Ben settled at the edge of his weight bench and wiped the sweat from his face.  He was only halfway through his normal workout, but the view of Rey flowing through yoga positions across the room was distracting especially with the memories of her naked on that yoga mat. It was enough that he couldn’t focus on anything else.  He took a drink from his water bottle and tried to pretend he wasn’t getting aroused from watching her.

After a moment, she settled to face him in a lotus position and smiled.  “What?”

“What do you mean?”  He was still trying to play innocent, but he knew he was caught.

“Don’t play coy with me, Ben Solo.”  

He tried his most charming smile.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh yes you do.”  She rose and began to walk toward him.  Did he imagine the extra sway to her hips?

“Rey, sweetheart, I’m sure that I don’t…”  He trailed off when she straddled the end of the weight bench and him.

“Yoga is not a spectator sport.”  She grabbed both ends of the towel he’d slung around his neck and pulled him in for a flirty kiss.

"You're the one that seduced me on that yoga mat, remember?" He chuckled and kissed her again. Suddenly very interested in accelerating her little game, he grabbed her hips and dragged her up his thighs to notch his hard-on against her.  In response, she deepened the kiss and moaned into his mouth. He slid his hands into the waist of her yoga pants and massaged the muscles of her butt.

He broke the kiss, breathing heavily.  “How about a shower, beautiful?”

In answer, she wrapped her legs around his back and pulled her shirt and sports bra over her head in one movement.  He was paying too much attention to keeping hold of her while he got to his feet to notice where she threw her clothes.

As he stumbled across the room, she began to lick and suck her way down his neck.  He was bound to have a few hickeys from the treatment, but it felt too good to care.  She started to drag at his shirt so, in the hallway, he pressed her against the wall and helped her pulled it off.  It dropped somewhere behind him, but all he cared about right then was taking the opportunity to kiss her again and again.

When he finally stumbled into the master bath, he set Rey on the vanity counter and turned on the water in the walk in shower.  In the mirror, he saw her wiggling out of her remaining clothes. This was still too new for him to turn down a chance to admire her naked beauty.  

She threw the clothes out of the room and started walking toward him.  It felt for a moment like he was being stalked, and he loved it. “You’re overdressed for that shower.”

He grinned and tossed out a challenge.  “Why don’t you come do something about that?”

Standing in front of him, she hooked her thumbs into the elastic of his shorts and dragged them down.  Left in only his boxers, Ben groaned at the sight of her kneeling in front of him. It was only when she carefully drew his boxers over his erection and dragged them down his legs that he started getting a little self conscious.

“Sweetheart, I suggested a shower for a reason.”  His hard-on didn’t care about sweat or body odor. It was throbbing as she looked up at him through her lashes.   _When in the hell did she learn to to do that?_

He dragged her to her feet and kissed her desperately.  Opening the door to the, now steamy, shower, he walked her backwards into the enclosure, never taking his lips from hers.

When she finally pulled away, he felt a little lightheaded though he wasn’t sure if it was from the heat in the shower or just her.  He watched her grab a washcloth and build a lather with his bar of soap.

Suddenly tentative, she asked him “Is this ok?” as she held the cloth halfway towards his chest.

“Oh, yeah.”  When she stepped into him and started to wash his chest, he settled one hand on her back and ran the other up and down her side.  Had she asked, he might have said it was to steady her in the small space, but he knew that he would truly never get enough of touching her.

His head hit the shower wall with a thunk when she finally dragged that soapy washcloth down into his wiry curls and over his needy cock.  Her grip and pressure was teasing, and he couldn’t help the half frantic sounds that came out of this mouth.

Despite the water running into his face, he opened one eye to find her grinning wickedly at him from her knees.  “I’ve read about this,” she told him before licking up on side of his length.

She wrapped one hand around the base of his cock and put the head into her mouth.  When she started to suck, his knees went weak, and he grabbed the top frame of the shower to steady himself.  

He couldn’t handle her hot wet mouth on him for long.  “Baby” His voice was a raspy groan. “You have to stop for now.”  She was still touching him as she leaned back.

“What’s wrong?”  Her tone had him anxious to assure her how much he’d loved what she was doing.

“If you keep that up, I’m going to fall.”  Even as he spoke, she kept stroking him lightly.  It was maddeningly tender, and he grabbed both of her hands as he pulled her to her feet.

When she leaned forward to kiss him, he pulled one of her thighs up to wrap around his hip.  He trailed the other hand up the back of her thigh and gently slid one finger then a second inside her silken wet cunt.   _I must be doing something right,_  he thought when she tangled her fingers hard into his hair and began grinding against him.  

Rapidly considering his options and wanting desperately to be inside her, Ben pulled her away from him and turned her around.  “Like this? So that you have something to hold steady to.” He took one of her hands and rested it on the bar on the shower door.

She looked back at him over her shoulder and smirked.  “Are you sure you’re not just fixated on my ass?”

He grinned back at her and, instead of replying, notched the head of his cock into place and slowly slid in.  It was an effort to keep still, and he tried not to focus on how amazingly tight, hot, and wet she felt. Instead, he reached around to her front and massaged her water slicked nipple.

When she whined a little and wiggled back against him, he knew she was ready for more.  Desperate to make this good for her, he drew back and began a steady rhythm. She was quickly meeting him thrust for thrust, and Ben slid his hand down to find her clit.  

He couldn’t help his reaction when she moaned loudly and slapped her free hand against the shower glass.  He would never get tired of how responsive she was. He started thrusting faster. It was only when he heard his voice that he realized he was talking.  “So hot, so sweet… Come on baby” His groan echoed in the shower walls.

Her pace as she thrust back into him was getting frantic.  When he felt her start to clench down on him, he lost his remaining control.  He slammed into her harder and faster. When he felt his orgasm build, he hilted himself all the way into her and clutched her to his chest so that they could ride out the wave together.  

A moment later, she started to step away from him.  Reluctantly, he let her go, but she only turned around and gave him a kiss so tender that tears welled in his eyes.  They only moved away from each other when, long moments later, the water started to run cold.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had meant for this chapter to be shorter, but Rey and Ben were horny little rabbits.


	21. Going Slightly Mad

Rey was reading on the couch and listening to the sound of Ben in the other room lifting.  She’d learned the hard way that he wouldn’t focus if she tried to exercise with him. _And that yoga mat was a bit harder to clean up than I would have thought.  I may invite myself to his post-workout shower again though... That was…_ She crossed her legs and tried to redirect her wandering mind.

She reread the page she had open to get her mind back on her book.  As she reached for her glass of wine, she felt an odd static in the room.  It almost felt like the moment before a lightning strike, but the night outside was clear.  When a man appeared in from of her, she didn’t scream only because she assumed that she’d fallen asleep.

“Well, that’s calmer than I expected you to be.”  He seemed surprised, then he frowned at her. “I’d rather you didn’t finish that glass.”

   
Of all the things the dream spector could have said to her, that was unexpected.  She sat her glass back down and leaned forward a bit. “Why do you care if I have wine?”  The man looked familiar, and it was nagging at her.

“Normally, kid, you could drink yourself stupid for all I care,”  His voice was gruff, as though this conversation had gone far afield what he’d expected.  “but my grandkid is a little too young for alcohol.”

“Well that’s enough of this dream.”  When a pinch to her arm didn’t help, Rey began to actively try to wake herself with a few tricks she’d practiced over the years.

“Dream?  Is that why you’re so laid back about this whole thing?”  Now he sounded amused, but she was hardly ready to go back to talking to him.  “I’m not a dream kid; I’m a ghost.”

That got her attention back on him.  “Don’t be ridiculous. I’ve never seen ghosts.”  She looked him up and down as he walked back and forth through the coffee table to try and make his point.  “I don’t see ghosts, so you can’t be one.” She told him this with as patient and logical tone as she could manage.  Even as she tried to rationalize this whole event away, the man’s face looked more and more familiar.

“Look kid, If you were dreaming, would this hurt?”  He aimed his pointer finger for her shoulder and, as had happened every other time he tried to touch someone, she was hit with a static shock before he could connect.

“Bloody Hell!  That hurt!” She was stunned and rubbed her aching shoulder.  “If I’m not dreaming, then why am I suddenly seeing ghosts?”

“Solo’s are cursed.  I can appear to anyone with my blood, even if that blood is from the baby you’re carrying.”  His words finally sank in, and Rey felt cold shock flood through her as his words finally sank in.  

“Condoms!  Oh bloody hell!”  She couldn’t help her exclamation as she, someone that had once prided herself on her forethought, realized that she had not considered the potential consequences of being sexually active.   _Very active_ rang a warm voice in the back of her head.  “Bloody, bloody idiot!”

“Do you mean yourself or Ben?” She could hear the laughter in his voice.

“Both!”  She set her book to the side and began to rub her head where a headache was starting to brew.

He only waited, and she looked back up at him.

“Who are you then?  Ben didn’t mention a current ghost when he told me about the family curse.”  She was aware that she sounded harsh but couldn’t bring herself to care.

“I’m Ben’s father.”  His voice was gentle, but it didn’t soften the blow for her.

Horror flooded through her at his words.  She drew what should have been calming breaths.  Instead, they only seemed to make the whole situation seem real.  “Did Ben kill you?” Her voice was barely a gasp.

“It was accident!”  His tone suggested that he never considered that she would draw any other conclusion.  “I promise that it was just an accident. Ben feels like it’s his fault, but it’s not.”

All she could do was nod.  She drew her knees up into her chest and tried to absorb everything that he had said.   _Is this honestly my new reality?_

* * *

__

 

When he took his earbuds out, Ben could hear murmuring coming from the living room.  At first he’d thought Rey had turned on the TV, but he could hear her talking. Curious, he walked into the living room.  To his shock, his father was hovering near Rey as she sat on the couch asking him questions.

“It seems odd to me that I couldn’t feel you before when I can clearly feel every emotion going through you right now.  Did you just not appear while I was around?” She was obviously trying to solve something they’d been discussing, but none of it made sense to him.

“Rey, uh…”  She turned to him expectantly, almost like she was waiting for him to declare her crazy.  “Uh, can you see him?”

Han made a frustrated noise.  “Well obviously she can see me!  She’s talking to me isn’t she?”

That tone always made him react the same way.  “Well gee, Dad! Excuse me for being a little confused since she’s never seen you before!”  

Suddenly a horrible thought occurred to him.  He fell back on his left foot and reflexively prepared to run away.  “Oh my god, Dad! Please tell me she’s not family!”

“Oh for crying out loud!  Don’t you think I would have told you?”  Han threw his hands in the air in aggravation.

“Well what else am I supposed to think?”  Ben could hear his voice getting a little shrill but felt it was justified in this moment.

“I don’t know son! Maybe you should think that you should have paid more attention to the damn sex talk I gave you!”  

Suddenly Rey sprang to her feet.  “Dammit, Han! This is news a woman usually likes to deliver herself!”

He felt like he was thinking through a fog.  Nothing about this conversation made sense. “Ok, Rey.” He focused on her, hoping for sanity.  “Tell me what you need to tell me.” _And please make sense of this for me, please._

She looked down at her feet. “Well, you and I have, uh…”  She side-eyed his dad, obviously uncomfortable talking about this with him there.

Han was annoyed.  “You knocked her up because you didn’t use any protection!  That’s why I can talk to her now.”

“Bugger all! Do you mind?” She fast to snap at his dad.  The laugh that bubbled out at hearing Rey swear at him was more than a little hysterical.

“Gee, you've got a mouth on you.” Han sounded pleased rather than offended.

He could feel panic rising in him as their exchange made the situation more real.  Rey responded to it by grabbing his hand and pressing it to her still flat stomach.  Needing more contact, he dragged her into his lap to hold her.

“Ben, I can't be more than 2 weeks along.  We have time to figure this out.” He nodded mechanically.  He wasn't sure that he agreed with her, but he was willing to be convinced.

It took a few moments of holding her to begin to come to grips with the news of his impending fatherhood.   _Just thinking of myself as father makes me anxious._  When he looked up, Rey's voice was still softly murmuring in his ear, and his father was watching the whole event with an amused half smirk on his face.

“Don't feel bad.  I reacted pretty much the same way when I found about you, and your mother and I were trying to get pregnant.”   Knowing his father in this mood, he waited for the rest. “Not that Solos ever have to try too hard. That's why I tried to catch you early with the talk.”

“Some sex talk, Dad.  I was 14. You gave me a box of condoms and a subscription to Men’s Health.” He ignored Rey's gasp of laughter at that.

“And told you to ask me questions whenever you needed, which you never did.” Han finally seemed done having fun at his son's expense.  He eyed them, curled up together.

“I think I'll give you two a little time.  When I get back in the morning, we need to talk about options.” He gave his son a pointed look.  “We all know you can't go on forever like this.” With a mumble to Rey that might have been “nice to meet you” he disappeared.

  



	22. Some Devils Create Their Own Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be warned - This chapter and the next contain the references to torture that are included in the tags.

The smell of Snoke’s office was unpleasant.  Hux stank of fear, blood and piss where he lay on the floor.  Knight had been the one to do the physical damage of course. That was his job, and he enjoyed it.  

Snoke himself was raging.  His shouts were probably lost on the half conscious man on the floor, but it was entertaining for him to watch the spittle fly from his mouth and hit his former associate in the face.  

“Consider this punishment for your failure!  You squandered my patience!” He ground the tip of cane into the 3 day old burn on the battered man's forearm, a warning that he'd failed to heed.  Even over the whimpered pleas, Snoke kept raging much as he had since he'd been brought a blubbering Hux that morning.

“This will not destroy me!  I will not be brought down by your incompetence or that boy’s sentimentality!”  He hauled back with cane and cracked it viciously on Hux’s already broken wrist.

When the man finally stopped screaming, his boss turned to him.  “I’ve called Solo to the warehouse on 10th street. When he arrives, I want a few of your men waiting to bring him to me.”

“I’ll see to it personally, sir.”  He was quick to volunteer.  _ I can probably get some hits in before we even arrive here.  Finally break him down a little,  _ he thought with anticipation.

“No” He looked up, startled.  “Once he’s at the warehouse, go to his apartment and get the girl.”  Snoke went around to his desk and pulled a key out of a drawer. “I don’t trust your men not to take liberties.  That girl is both information and leverage. Any damage to her must be calculated to achieve our goals.”

“Understood.”  As he turned and walked from the office, he considered this turn of events.   _ Maybe once we get what we need from her, Snoke will let me keep her for a while.   _ The smile on his face was cruel enough that the woman walking towards him on the sidewalk gave him a wide berth as she passed.

  
  


When she heard the door unlock and open, Rey felt no fear.  She turned with a smile on her face. “Ben, what did you forget this- “  

The sight of the man called Knight and two other men sent her into a panic.  There was no good reason for him to be here, and she had nowhere to run. She glanced at the knife block on the counter wondering if she could get to it before they stopped her.

“Now now, that’s not very hospitable.”  Knight had seen her and was obviously enjoying his little game.  “If I didn’t know how lonely you must be, I would think you weren’t happy to see me.”

For every step forward he took, she took a reflexive step back.  Her breathing was getting rapid with her fear, and it took all her will to keep from covering her baby protectively with her hand.   _ Try to keep him talking, Rey. _

“Where’s Ben? Is that his key?”  The vile man only laughed.

“Ben?  Do we know any Ben, boys?”  They joined in his laughter.  “Seems our buddy Kylo may have been telling you too much.”

_ Shit! Shit! Shit!   _ Rey hadn’t even thought of what she was giving away with using his name.  She tried to come up with any plan but her panicked mind was blank. When she felt the counter at her back, she knew she was out of time.

Smugly, Knight stepped forward, deliberately crowding her.  “Come on pretty, boss wants an introduction.”

 

It was only after they’d dragged her to the SUV and shoved her in the back that Han appeared.  He was in the same space as the seatback in front of her, but Rey tried to give no indication that anything was odd.  

“You’re ok?  These assholes didn’t hurt you?”  His voice was low even though they both knew she was the only one that could hear him.

She nodded as subtly as possible.

“They’ve got Ben too.”  She felt his words like a punch to her gut.  Staying calm was getting harder.

“I didn’t tell you that to scare you.”  Han continued. “I’ve been thinking about ways to get you both out of this.”

She raised her brows to indicate that she was listening.

“I keep going back to how you wake Ben up from his nightmares.”  She frowned at him in confusion. “I know you don’t think it’s a big deal, but trust me, getting him to come out of that hell is something I never managed. All the way up through high school, nothing I ever tried would wake him up.”  She carefully smoothed her expression.

“I just keep thinking, if you can wake someone up, can you knock someone out?”

 

Ben felt a fist slam into his kidney.  He recognized the three men as some of Knights brutes, but he’d never bothered to learn their names.  The fact that Knight was nowhere to be seen as he had been thrown to the floor of Snoke’s office made him more nervous than realizing that something had caused his boss to turn on him.

_ Just wish I knew which thing he’s pissed off about.  If I’m not careful, I could give away something even more dangerous.   _ He crumpled on the ground, pretending to be more injured than he was in the hopes of buying time.  The ploy didn’t work for long, and he was dragged to his feet as Snoke entered the room.

“Solo, you don’t look happy to see me.”  His voice was a hiss of malevolence, but what was more worrisome to Ben was his willingness to use that name in front of a few lackeys.  It let him know that, however this ended, Snoke was no longer worried about keeping him. “I’ve been having some fascinating chats with Mr. Hux in the past few days.”

At his gesture, Ben looked over at the lump of human misery that he hadn’t recognized.  His confusion was joined by real fear.  _ What could have happened to have him turning on us all? _

“Tell me, Ben, my boy…” he walked close enough to pat his face condescendingly.  “Are you aware that your little pet helped someone escape the night Hux picked her up?”

His heart started slamming even faster in his chest, and his stomach twisted.    _ What is he talking about?  This is about Rey?  _  His mind spun with confusion as he tried to piece everything together.

“Ah, it would seem you didn’t know that.”  Snoke walked back towards his desk. “Perhaps, I owe you an apology then.  I’m sure you won’t mind that I had Knight go pick up your pet.”

Ben tried to keep his face impassive, but he knew he’d failed.  

“You do mind?  Well, that’s ungrateful of you.  How can you begrudge Knight a little companionship after he did you the favor of dealing with your father’s body?”  The man gave him another piercing look. “You know, you never did tell me what you were doing with that gun…”

Ben stood and stared at his shoes.  He tried to think of anything that he could say to get himself and Rey out of this mess, but all he could think in that moment was  _ I’m sorry, sweetheart.  I failed you. _


	23. Battling In Hell

When the door to Snoke’s office opened, Ben felt fury begin to boil within him.   It was only his father’s appearance at his side that kept him still.

Knight had Rey in a cruel grip and was holding a gun into her side.  Her eyes met his briefly, and he knew that she was as scared as him. Hopelessness welled up in him drowning out the fury.  He couldn’t see any way to save her, but he knew he would give his life trying if it came down to it.

“Ah the lady of hour has arrived.”  Snoke was deliberately mocking her. “Welcome my dear.  We’re so glad that you could join us for a talk.”

When she didn't respond, he looked to the men around room.  “Gentlemen, I believe Mr. Knight has this under control. Please go and fetch Madame Phasma for me.”

When they left, he turned back to Rey.  “There are many things for us to discuss, but I really want to start with the night that you became a part of my… stock.”  He leaned with fake casualness against his desk. “There was a woman that Hux loaded into that van that didn’t make it to the destination.  I would like to talk to her about rejecting my hospitality.”

“I can’t help you.”  Rey’s voice was tremulous and even Ben could hear the lie in her word.  “I’d only been in the States a month, and I barely knew anyone!”

“Lying will not get you out of this!”  He was close to shouting at her. His volatility was terrifying.

In desperation, Ben lurched forward and shouted, “Leave her alone!”

The crack of a gunshot reverberated loudly in the high ceilinged office.  Before he even responded to the shock of sound, Ben felt the fire of ripped muscle and shattered bone.  It radiated out so far that he couldn't really tell where he was hit. _Are my ears ringing or is Rey screaming?_

 

All eyes were on Ben as blood bloomed across his shirt from the wound in his shoulder.   _Now's my chance.  Han’s right. It’s worth trying._  Rey tuned out the sounds of gloating from Snoke “Painful? Isn't it?  Non-fatal if treated…”

Instead she focused on the pain: pain from the tortured man on the floor, pain from Ben's wounds (physical and mental).  She drew it in and wove it together with Han's anguished helplessness. She even used the pain and grief from her own losses.

She was nervous.  She'd never tried to reverse the process she used to bring Ben out of his nightmares.  The only one in the room paying her any attention was Han, staring at her as he hovered impotently by his injured son.

There was a desperate look in his eyes as he mouthed, “Do it! Do it, now!”

She took it all, pain and horror lived across multiple lives, and focused it on the man still holding her arm.  She nearly panicked when, instead of merely fainting, he dropped to his knees and clutched his head. As blood began to drip from his nose and screams erupted from his mouth, Rey grabbed the gun he'd been using to threaten her.  

Aiming at the main wall where Snoke presided over his chamber of horrors, she fired a warning shot.  The whole world seemed to slow as her shot went wide. The impact slammed his head back and to the right even as the bullet's exit took blood, bone, and gray matter with it into the wall.  

She stumbled forward.  Her fingers went lax, and the gun hit the ground.  In that moment, the world stood still.  She only came back to herself when a jolt, like electricity, went through her arm. Then she realized that Han was frantically trying to get her attention.

“No time for going into shock!  You've gotta get out of here!” He shouted frantically and jolted her again.

Her self-preservation instincts kicked in, and she began checking for threats and looking for an exit.  As the thundering of footsteps came from a door nearest the dead man, she ran over and toppled a bookshelf to keep anyone from entering.  She ignored the catatonic Knight and battered Hux, instead rushing to Ben's side. He was pale, even for him. Sweat from the pain dripped into his eyes, and she could tell he was dazed.  

“We have to go!” She shouted into his face.  “Ben, I can help you, but I can’t carry you. We need to go now!”

He shook his head a little.  “Rey?” His gaze was assessing but quick.  When he slung his good arm around her shoulders, she knew he understood what they needed to do.

He pointed at the door opposite the one she’d entered.  She wrapped her arm around his waist, and they hurried their way out.  The hall they entered led to a non-descript lobby. Rey led them out the door and helped Ben down the few stairs to street level.

Being outside was disorienting.  There was nothing in the normal looking sunny day to indicate that they’d just left hell behind them.  

Han appeared before them gesticulating widely.  “FBI Van! Over there! Keep Moving!”

They stumbled in the direction he sent them.  Before Rey could begin to doubt his assessment, people began pouring out of the vehicle.  

“Put your hands up!”  

“FBI! Stop Moving!”

“Put your fucking hands in the air!”

The cacophony broke the peace of the neighborhood street.  Reflexively, she threw both hands above her head. Without her support, Ben, weakened from blood loss and shock, fell to his knees.

She was being held, once again, at gunpoint.  She looked the agent closest to her in the eye.  “Please don’t hurt us, we’re not armed!”

It was the purple haired woman behind him that said anything.  “Lower your weapons! Do not fire!”

As she watched the woman approach them, she felt the adrenaline begin to drain her.  A cold sweat broke out on her forehead as the woman spoke again. “Call an ambulance! And get back up on the way!”

While another agent put her on her knees and cuffed her arms behind her back, her ears began ringing.  She couldn’t hear the agent’s voice, but she saw her lips form, “Rey? Rey Johnson?”

Her system couldn’t handle another shock, and she vomited at Amylin Holdo’s feet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to keep a fast pace in this chapter to help convey Rey's sense of urgency. I hope it worked.


	24. Epilogue

Rey meditated peacefully, her serenity echoing the contentment coming from the newborn at her breast.  The house she shared in the suburbs of London was never completely quiet since twin seven year olds were not known for their calm.  She kept the door to her little suite closed when she was nursing mostly to remind Jyn and Cassian that they shouldn’t run into the room and jump on her immediately after returning from school.

Her little girl slipped into full slumber, and she shifted her to her other arm.  They snuggled for a few more moments before there was soft knock and the door cracked open.

“Rey?  You have several visitors out here if you’re up for it?”  Bazine kept her voice soft and seemed to carefully block the view into the room.  It was little daily considerations like that that confirmed her decision to co-parent with the newly divorced woman.

“If you can help get Hope settled in her bassinet, I’ll be glad to see the kids.”  She smiled her welcome.

With a nod, she clicked the door shut and murmured in the hall, likely warning the twins that they shouldn’t wake the baby.  To Rey’s delight, her visitors consisted of more than just the twins home from school. Leia stepped into the room and quickly ducked around the other woman, making a beeline for the bed.

Carefully transfering the infant into her own arms, she fondly met Bazine’s gaze.  “Mimi’s privilege!” she declared as she settled into the rocker and began to coo to the sleeping child.  Rey grinned at the exchange. The friendship that the two women had formed since their first meeting had helped Rey become comfortable enough to bond with Leia despite their unusual circumstances. In the past eight months, they had all learned to treasure each other.

She turned her attention to the children in her doorway.  “Well, you two…. How was school?” Taking the invitation as she’d meant it, Jyn and Cassian clambered up onto her bed and began to excitedly tell her about their day.  She laughed as they alternated between speaking over each other and finishing each other’s sentences.

 

Bazine felt her heart squeeze at the domestic scene.   _This family may not be the one I imagined having a year ago, but it’s the one we’ve made together._ She reached for the camera that was ever-present at Rey’s side.  She carefully framed her shot and pressed the button just as Leia, oblivious to the chaos around her, pressed a sweet kiss to her granddaughter’s forehead.

After a few more shots to capture the moment, her human tornados jumped from “Aunt Rey’s” bed to run out of the their room shouting their intention to “go play, Mama!” as they went.

Leia laughed down to the still sleeping baby.  “It’s good for you to get used to that noise now.  They likely won’t get calmer any time soon.”

Rey looked to her as she sat down on the edge of the bed, still holding the camera.  “Did you get a few good pictures?”

“I think so.”  She gave Leia a hopeful smile.  “I really want the ones I took of you to turn out.  You both look so sweet.”

Knowing she was still sore, it didn’t worry her when Rey frowned a bit as she resettled herself against her pillows.  “I’ll download them to my laptop tonight. I’m sure you took some beautiful photos, and I want to get the birth announcements ready to send this week.”

With that, Bazine felt a flicker of worry.  “Are you sure that you want to publicize all of this, Rey?   I know you only plan to send out a few announcements, but there is a still risk that Ben’s enemies will find out.  They might try to use you and Hope to keep him from testifying.”

“I think that risk exists no matter what we announce about the baby.”  Leia sounded resigned. “Rey’s situation is a matter of the court records afterall.  The best we can do is keep this location secret.”

 _Some days Leia, I wish you were a little more willing to sugarcoat._ Out loud, Bazine only sighed.

Leia fidgeted a little with Hope’s blanket and seemed to consider her next words carefully.  “Rey, have you thought more about what you'll do about Ben?”

Sensitive to the topic and protective of the younger woman, Bazine curled her elegant fingers under into a fist.  Because it was Leia, she held her tongue.

“I’ve thought a lot about it, to be honest.  At my last session with Dr. Monroe, we discussed nothing else.”  Rey’s voice was unusually tentative, as though she knew that her answer wasn’t going to popular.  “Despite everything he’s done wrong, legally and morally… He’s still Hope’s father.”

Bazine let out the breath she was holding.  She could hardly dispute that or begrudge Rey the chance to give her daughter a knowledge of her family.  Her tension eased even as the younger woman continued.

“A few weeks ago, I went back through all the letters that I’ve written him.”  Rey looked up at Leia. “I truly understand now why you and he insist on no letters.  It’s difficult to keep from slipping some little detail that might give away our whereabouts.”

Bazine reached for Rey’s hand in support and received a squeeze back.  “Ben and I… we lived through a lot in less than two months…” She trailed off, and both women gave her the time she needed to gather her thoughts.

“As for what that will mean for him and me or for his relationship with Hope, well…  Even with his plea agreement, I have two more years to figure that out. Maybe once they finally get the last of Snoke's enforcers in custody, he'll be comfortable with me writing him back to discuss things.”  She looked to each woman for a moment and seemed relieved when they both nodded in acceptance of her words.

After that the three women, friends despite their unusual history, enjoyed a rare quiet moment together.  The peace was only accented by the rhythmic creak of the rocking chair and the echoes of laughter from down the hall.

 

* * *

 

 

There was nothing particularly peaceful about the Lewisburg Penitentiary.  Even after lights out, the place had an oppressive sense of misery. Ben had the luxury of a single cell due to his cooperation with the authorities.  Despite the security precautions, he’d had to defend himself from a few attacks.

His ears perked up at the sound of the mail cart coming down the line.  It had been a few weeks since he’d gotten anything, but that didn’t dull his hope that connections from the outside would greet him today.  

“Solo!” A gruff voice from outside his cell called “you got a package.”

The tight loneliness in his chest eased just a little as he carefully took the opened box over to his bunk.  They would have searched and x-rayed everything, he knew. It was only partly to check for contraband. Afterall, not everyone that wanted him dead was already inside.  

He didn’t bother looking at the label on the outside box flap.  Everything for him was sent to his lawyer and repackaged before being forwarded on.  It was a precaution he’d insisted on to keep his family safe.

Inside was a large blue striped gift box.  The heavy cardboard was meant to be reused, and he often traded them to other inmates so that they could use them for wives, girlfriends, or whomever else they had outside.  He lifted the lid with ceremony. Everything in this box was a precious connection to the best parts of the outside world.

The top item was a package of heavy stock cream stationary that warmed his heart a little.   _I guess Mom wants me to keep writing, even if it's not safe for her or Rey to write back._ He carefully set that and the box of pens to the side.  

Beneath it was a large Toblerone that he knew he would share with the guards.   _I need the goodwill more than the chocolate._ Next to the distinctive yellow packaging was a familiar blue tin of cookies and a box of individual serving gummy candies.  Each item was meant for him to give away, after all he’d never had much of a sweet tooth. He carefully set aside all of the snack foods that had been sent.

In the third layer were gifts for him. There was book on meditation techniques that he set next to his often referenced book on lucid dreaming.  Even from a world away, Rey was trying to protect him from his nightmares.

His mother had included a travel guide to Florence, Italy that he knew would be marked up with little stories of her travels over the years.  It had made him nervous at first, but he trusted her to be careful to keep her notes generic so as to not give away her or Rey's location. Her decades of helping other women cut ties and build new lives had served them all well.  He set that book aside for later and found the real treasure at the bottom of the box.

The manila envelope was not labeled, but his heart beat a little faster as he lifted it out carefully.  He pulled the first photo out and felt tears close his throat. His mother, eyes closed and apparently unaware of the world around her, pressed a tender kiss to the sleeping baby in her arms.  His lips trembled in time with his hands as he pulled the backing off the self-adhesive strip and pressed that precious photo next to one of a heavily pregnant Rey laughing into the camera.  They were positioned so that they were the last things he saw each night and the first things he saw each morning.

The other photos were smaller and in a card-stock envelope.  He set them to the side to savor later and opened the soft pink envelope next.  The tears he’d been holding back fell down his face as he read:

Welcome to the World

Hope Organa Solo

3.3Kg * 46cm

03 Jan, 2020

 

In the margin, just below the picture of his daughter that seemed to have been caught mid-laugh, was a note from Rey.  He hadn’t seen her handwriting in months, but he recognized it from the little sticky notes she had used to make a grocery list.

 

I wanted her to have her real name.

 

In that moment, Ben felt his loneliness, pain and regret get overpowered by a flood of joy and love.  He smiled so widely that his eyes half closed, and he felt salty wetness from his tears hit his own lip.  He whispered as though she could hear him.  "Welcome to world.  Daddy loves you."

 

That night, he didn't dread the loneliness of lights out or fear the horrors in his own mind.  Instead, he kissed the little photo of his daughter and slipped into sleep. He dreamed of the future with hope.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've rewritten and edited this epilogue a few times. As much as I wanted to give them a perfect happy ending, it didn't feel true to the narrative.  
> This story ended up carrying a lot of me and my current mindset with it. Questions of family and regrets, love and loss, will always be universal. I found, as I wrapped this story up, that I put in my own understanding of how happiness is moment by moment rather than eternal. Maybe that's why the epilogue with Ben and Rey meeting in his lawyer's office the day of his release just wouldn't flow for me.
> 
> So, you tell me... Do you think they figure it out, get married, and give Hope a younger sibling? Or do you think that they meet again and just become friends?


End file.
